Cry me a river

It's been an awful drought--much longer than a player of my skill level should have to weather (get it? drought/weather?), but finally the cards went my way and I won a poker tourney today. I swear the number of times I am ahead in a hand only to be called outrageously by players with nothing but hope, only to lose it on the river is statistically impossible...exponentially, statistically impossible. There is something else at play. After months of pain-staking investigation, intense scrutiny, thorough examination, in-depth computer analysis, and losing tens of dollars, it turns out there's a simple explanation:

Great Christmas moments

For those of you who have a partner or children who can't keep their mits off their Christmas gifts before jolly St. Nick arrives, Hallmark has just the thing for you--gift bags that come with a built-in alarm system. A motion sensor will alert everyone in the house that someone is trying to sneak a peek at their Christmas presents. These handy bags come in a variety of sizes and range in price from $4.99-$6.99.

Used creatively, such as placed at the foot of the stairs with a romantic little gift, they also double as an early warning system when you're cheating upstairs with the chick next door. Nothing says love louder than a Hallmark siren wailing like a banshee urging you to quickly stuff the biatch through the window.

New Hallmark Products

I see cold people

I was very disappointed yesterday when I attended Woodbine, my local horse racing venue, and they cancelled thoroughbred races 3 through 13. According to the announcement, the jockeys felt it was too cold for them to ride. Having already paid $5 for a racing form and this being the final day of live racing until spring made it particularly upsetting.

Now, I've known them to cancel racing cards due to lightning storms and windy conditions, but this is the first time I've heard the excuse that it's just too cold for the jockeys. While I imagine it's happened before, it seems like a pretty flimsy excuse. After all, standardbred horses (trotters) and their drivers race all winter long through the worst that a Canadian winter can throw at them. Racing in blizzard conditions is almost commonplace. Many is the time when neither fans nor announcer can see the horses at all for much of the race!

I'm sorry if I'm going to upset people, but unless there is a safety concern that was never expressed by the announcer, "too cold for the jockeys" just doesn't cut it with me. The temperature was about 5 C degrees below freezing and there was bright sunshine. Granted, there were wind gusts that produced a wind chill factor, but how bad can it be to be outside for the less than two minutes it takes to run a race? As it was, horses and riders were going directly to the starting gate, dispensing with the post parade.

Most of the betting public spent considerably longer than two minutes walking from the parking lot to the grandstand. I wonder--would the jockeys and everyone else who makes a living from the races be understanding if the public informed them that they would not attend on account of it being too cold to walk from the parking lot? We make that trek even at 40 below! I'm guessing that Mr. Leading-jockey-who's-used-to-spending-the-winter-in-the heat-of-Barbados had a lot to do with the cancellation.

I also wonder why they staged two races before cancelling the rest of the card. It's not like the weather got colder during that time. If anything, it got warmer. Of course, if they had cancelled all the racing before it started, many people wouldn't have attended at all. Once they have us there, obviously we're going to wager on the simulcast races from other tracks. And buy forms and programs. And buy food. Am I the only one who smelled rotten fish?

Speaking of rotten fish, it left a very bad taste in my mouth. I and many others were looking forward to the last day of live racing before the long drought that lasts until April. Jockeys: Next time, bring your long johns.


Horsies frolicking on a beautiful winter day:


You always won every time you placed a bet...

Q & A's from around the web

im a german...if i join the airforce... can the airforce get me a green card?

You need to be a legal resident of the U.S. of A. in order to get a "green card"
Marry a hot American citizen fraulein or a horny MILF is your other option!