What do you call them?

I know that most people have experienced the situations I am about to describe and that many couples have already discussed them, but I wonder how many have arrived at the conclusions my partner and I have. What I'm talking about are the funny things that happen to a person during and after sex. We have come up with terms for them, even if it took us a while, the main reason being #4 in the list. You'll see what I mean...

1. If you're making love and are in the throes of passion and suddenly realize you need to get a towel down to avoid creating a wet spot, you may find yourself doing what we decided to call "the sex shuffle". This is the synchronous squirming required to move that extra foot or so closer to the night stand so that the towel can be reached. A more tense version occurs if you don't notice until it's "too late". This brings me to the second term, already alluded to here in #1.

2.Trying to slide the towel underneath...whoever...is...underneath is the "sex squirm".

3. The next phrase I will describe is also chronologically next. More often than not, when one has completed a vigorous session of lovemaking, there are things one needs to do or feels like doing such as cleaning/grooming, getting a snack or getting a drink. Have you ever noticed that if you get off the bed immediately, you tend to be unsteady on your feet? Sometimes, your legs almost give out on you. Other times, you will walk into something, stub your toe, or trip. This is known as "the sex stagger". I recommend that you turn the lights on (What? They're on?!) before attempting to make a mad dash to the refrigerator.

4. The last effect is the fog your brain seems to be in immediately following sex. This can last anywhere from a couple of minutes (probably partially responsible for the sex stagger) to the time you fall asleep. Meaningful conversation should not be attempted and for God's sake, do not make any plans, promises or resolutions during this period we call "the sex stupor". It is, however, a very good time to be silly and catch up on the laughs you may not have had enough of lately.

There you have them. Please feel free to comment/share your own experiences or terms/descriptions you've discussed with your partner.




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