Strange creatures

I'm at this moment watching the Toronto Blue Jays beating up on the Chicago White Sox. "Doc" Halladay has just struck out his eighth batter trying to improve his record to 9 and 1 and for the team to extend their American League East lead. Last week, Doc beat the Yankees and his (Doc's) most excellent student of last year, A.J. Burnett. A.J. left the Jays at the end of last season after a terrific (I believe) 18-win season for a contract of about $80 million with New York.

But I'm not here to talk about Doc or the Jays or Burnett for that matter. A few minutes ago, I noticed something a bit strange and amusing. I've seen it many tmes but never really thought about it. If you've watched any baseball, you've probably seen it, too. A pitch was tossed into the dirt and immediately after the catcher caught it, he extended his glove back so that the umpire can take the ball. The umpire raised the ball toward his eyes and examined it. The thing is, every time they do that, they always discard the ball. I mean always. And yet, they consistently go through the ritual of having a look at it before doing so. Why bother? Why not cut out the middle man and have the catcher toss the ball aside? I guess it gives the umpire an air of superiority and power that only he can make the decision as to the fate of the ball. In reality, the decision is made the moment the ball hits the ground.

I'm thinking the gesture the umpire makes is sort of like the other useless habit many people have--the disgusting habit of examining the itsy bitsy piece of foreign material they pick out of any one of various orifices like the corner of their eye, their ear, or worst of all, their nose. Funny creatures, humans.

Spank the monkey!

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey
jumps all around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and
eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,
then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of
the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth,
and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see
what your monkey just did?" The guy says "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy,
"he eats everything in sight, the little devil. Sorry.
I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for
the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and has
his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts
running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his
drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his butt,
pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut,
and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"
he asks. "No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a
peanut up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.
"He still eats everything in sight,
but ever since he had to crap out
that cue ball, he measures everything FIRST!"

Wizards lack magic

to overcome the Toronto Raptors' 21-point lead. In a battle of two of the worst teams in the NBA, Raptors, true to form, built a big lead in the first half, but despite allowing Washington to get close late in the contest, Raps hung on to win 99-93. Wizards scratched their way to within 5 points with just 39 seconds remaining, but I had given them too much credit, having predicted Raps would win by only 3 pooints.

It's not easy

being a Toronto Raptor's fan. This NBA team has lost more games in which they led by double-digits than any other team in the league. Their game against the Milwaukee Bucks this past Monday was nothing short of a showcase for how to give up a lead late in a game. The Raptors had led for almost the entire game. Now, with 34 seconds left and the Raps on top by 3, I suppose it's not entirely uncommon to lose such a game. But what is very uncommon is that in those 34 seconds, Toronto allowed Milwaukee to score 13 unanswered points, winning by 10. Once again, they folded like a cheap tent.

I posted on a message board just a day before that game that the Raptors have all the talent they need to be contenders, but the one thing they lack is grit. Call it determination. Call it hunger. Call it killer instinct. Whatever you want to call it, it is what often separates winners from losers. Without it, you cannot win consistently.

Case in point: Last year, in a game against the Los Angeles Lakers, Raps led by as many as 22 points in the third quarter. This should have been enough to allow them to coast to a victory, right? Wrong. Not only did they lose the game, they gave up the lead while still in the third quarter! That was the night that Kobe Bryant scored his historic 81 points, handing the Raps a hard-to-swallow 104-122 loss.

So, the question now is what will Raptors do tonight in Washington? Really, it shouldn't matter. The Wizards have only won seven games all season. But the Raptors have lost to such teams before. It's a tough call. They may win by 20 or maybe lose by 10. Here's my prediction: Raps will build a sizable lead--perhaps 15 points. In the end, it will be a nail-biter that will see them narrowly squeak out a 3-point win.