Funnier then werds

My left ear lobe is swollen, about two months had it pierced now. Could it be infected?

I'm not sure, but your first sentence might also be infected. It looks mighty sick. It at least has a fever. It may even be delirious.

I'm an old geezer

It's official. I am losing more hair--wait, it's not what you think. It was decades ago when I first started seeing large amounts of hair going down the shower drain every morning. It was painful to watch at first, but eventually, I came to accept its inevitability. This was especially difficult for a guy who once did not get a haircut for three and a half years, easily reaching behind my back and grasping my hair, which was half way down my back.

Now that my hair is very sparse, it seems that I am losing less of it to the drain, but something more sinister and distressing is occurring. Each morning, after showering, I stand in front of the basin and mirror, shaving, brushing, primping, spraying, etc. The other day, as I started to clean the area, I noticed that there were an assortment of hairs all about. That's not the distressing part.

To a third party, it might not have been given any notice at all, but as the owner of all those precious hairs, it meant a lot. What I witnessed were hairs of every possible origin. There were hairs from my head, perhaps a moustache hair, there may have been a nose hair or two, I saw at least one eye lash and I was fairly certain a thick and outlandishly long eye brow hair sat in the sink. It's anyone's guess whether a hair from an ear had joined the others just to make sure all sources were represented.

Maybe it shouldn't bother me so much. About six to eight months ago, I bought a battery-operated ear/nose hair trimmer and I've been very happy with it, relieving people of having to nervously look away after spotting the unsightly and embarrassing growth. Oh, I had tried my best to trim it with very small scissors, but it was always a job badly done and not without its dangers. On one occasion, a sudden sharp pain in my nose signalled I had cut something I shouldn't have. Half a tissue shoved up my nose became almost entirely soaked with blood before the stream subsided.

So, perhaps losing all this "extraneous" hair isn't such a bad thing--maybe soon, I won't have any hair left anywhere that I need to be concerned about removing...and risking my life in the process.