Sheena, the Mall Queen?

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World title slips from my grasp

Yesterday, I lost my bid to break a world record. After more than six months of a daily grind, it was all for naught.

Around last February, it was brought to my attention that a very long hair was growing out of my arm. It was as shocking to me as it was to my girlfriend. I kind of forgot about it/ignored it, but once in a while, I've checked to see if it's still there. It could easily fall out as I scrub my arms with a washcoth every day in the shower. Somehow, the hair as thin as a, um hair has managed to weather the (shower) storm.

Yesterday, I decided to check what the Guinness record is for an arm hair. Much to my surprise, it was just a tad longer than mine...assuming a "tad" is equal to about three inches. So, how long is my "Olympic-sized" lil feller? It's about 2 3/4 inches. Yes, that's right, Virginia--the world record is 5 3/4 inches.

But I'm not throwing in the (bath) towel yet. I'm going to do some research and see if there isn't some diet and or exercise I can do to help my hairy arm get into the record books. This may be my last shot at greatness, but I won't stoop so low as to start doping to give my fur an unhair unfair advantage.

Wish me luck!

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Q & A's from around the web

um, i think i am really hairy down there. can anyone relate or help?

Personally I've started waxing (I do brazilian but you could do bikini) and trimming what is left. i don't use a hair remover cream or gel because it's just smelly

Hmm...that's like eating a skunk sandwich in the middle of a garbage dump and complaining about the smell of garbage.

Pigs don't lie

According to this Axe Shampoo TV commercial, "94% of girls agree that dirty, greasy hair on a guy is a turn-off". Doesn't this beg the question "What do the other 6% think?" Are they split between "I don't mind a guy with dirty, greasy hair at all" and "I love being ravaged by a guy with dirty, greasy hair"?

I'm an old geezer

It's official. I am losing more hair--wait, it's not what you think. It was decades ago when I first started seeing large amounts of hair going down the shower drain every morning. It was painful to watch at first, but eventually, I came to accept its inevitability. This was especially difficult for a guy who once did not get a haircut for three and a half years, easily reaching behind my back and grasping my hair, which was half way down my back.

Now that my hair is very sparse, it seems that I am losing less of it to the drain, but something more sinister and distressing is occurring. Each morning, after showering, I stand in front of the basin and mirror, shaving, brushing, primping, spraying, etc. The other day, as I started to clean the area, I noticed that there were an assortment of hairs all about. That's not the distressing part.

To a third party, it might not have been given any notice at all, but as the owner of all those precious hairs, it meant a lot. What I witnessed were hairs of every possible origin. There were hairs from my head, perhaps a moustache hair, there may have been a nose hair or two, I saw at least one eye lash and I was fairly certain a thick and outlandishly long eye brow hair sat in the sink. It's anyone's guess whether a hair from an ear had joined the others just to make sure all sources were represented.

Maybe it shouldn't bother me so much. About six to eight months ago, I bought a battery-operated ear/nose hair trimmer and I've been very happy with it, relieving people of having to nervously look away after spotting the unsightly and embarrassing growth. Oh, I had tried my best to trim it with very small scissors, but it was always a job badly done and not without its dangers. On one occasion, a sudden sharp pain in my nose signalled I had cut something I shouldn't have. Half a tissue shoved up my nose became almost entirely soaked with blood before the stream subsided.

So, perhaps losing all this "extraneous" hair isn't such a bad thing--maybe soon, I won't have any hair left anywhere that I need to be concerned about removing...and risking my life in the process.

Q & A's from around the web

Best way to remove back hair?

Marry a gorilla. It won't get rid of your hair but when you walk along the beach holding her hand, no one will notice your hairy back.

Q & A's from around the web

Is is possible to have a trojan on your comp record you and you not know?

This guy said that he put a trojan on my computer and it recorded me, and he was going to send it to people. Is this possible? He said that I didn't even have my cam streaming online but it recorded anyway? Is this possible?

I like what you've done with your hair. Turn to the left a little bit, please.