Wanna play with my kitty?

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I'm a father!

Since I no longer have a vegetable garden (it stayed with the house and my ex-wife), I bought a single tomato plant for my apartment, mostly for company. Having been an outdoor farmer all my life, it never occurred to me that tomato plants require pollination in order to sprout tomatoes. When it finally dawned on me, more than a dozen flowers had appeared only to wither away "childless".

I carefully formed a paper towel (I wasn't about to buy a whole box of Q-tips for any plant) into a point and "sexed" the few remaining open flowers. I did this once a day for about four days. It was looking pretty futile and I thought I had missed the window of opportunity, the flowers having already reached menopause and unable to bear fruit.

I waited a couple more days to see if I could avoid having to put the plant out of my misery. Yesterday morning, right after I got up, I went to check out the barren plant. I gave it the once over and was about to take it away to destroy it when I thought I saw something. I took a closer look.

It was hiding behind the flower, almost indiscernible, but there it was--a tomato! I was the proud father of a bead-sized tomato. There was much rejoicing last night. As many as one beer were drunk. And if that weren't enough to make my year, today, the lil feller is already almost marble-sized. But that's still not all--he has a little brother!

Sure, between the plant, the new pot and the soil, these two tomatoes have cost me about $6.50 apiece, but buying a couple of tomatoes in the store for fifty cents just doesn't give you the thrill that fatherhood does.

Q & A's from around the web

i have a boyfriend we have been going outa month and a few weeks?
but my bestfriend has a boyfirnd 2 and i think i like her boyfriend more than my own but its not jelousy its just thati like her boyfriend more and like mi boyfrined and her boyfriend and i flirt alot and she and mi boyfriend flirt alot and dont know it what do i do [p.s.i kno this is alot of drama =p]

Editor's note: Every answer besides mine gave serious relationship advice, including the suggestion that they switch boyfriends. I said...

I get the distinct feeling that you and your girlfriend should be playing with dolls, not boys.

(She chose my answer as the best and had this to say...)

ur probably right "i trust U" ahhahahhhaah lol dnt kno u but im only 12 so ur probably right

The Sound of Promise

Yesterday, I bought a watermelon. I never really appreciated this wonderful fruit. But in the first few moments that I was cutting this melon in half, the exquisiteness of it struck me. It came in the form of sound. That cracking sound you hear when the melon is so perfectly ripe that it seems like it's been deprived of air to breathe since it was a seed and now, finally makes a lovely gasp as it takes in the life-sustaining oxygen it has been waiting for. That sweet sound of promise. The promise of perfect "reddish" flesh--not exactly red and not really pink, either. It is some magical colour that nature seems to have reserved only for this delectable fruit. The colour, like the sound, holds the promise of sweet nectar suitable for even God. It is truly a magnificent food. Not a bad deal for $1.99 at Food Basics.

Dyke Photos

I happened across this site: http://www.iseldykephoto.com
I thought it might be a thinly veiled porn site for lesbians as the name sort of suggests "I sell dyke photos". Go ahead--click on the link. You know you want to.

Herpes commercials

What's up with these commercials for a herpes (for which there's no cure) medication? Typically, they feature an attractive couple hugging and kissing, etc., with the male (it always seems) admitting he has herpes and how careful he is not to spread it to his new partner. Hello? He's an insane sex maniac who had unprotected sex with at least one person he didn't know well enough to realize that she had at least one STD. Girl, are you sure you want to hitch your wagon to such a person? Is there no question in your mind as to whether he may also be carrying a life-threatening STD worse than herpes? What other moronic decisions might he have made in his past or will make in the future? Is your self esteem so bad that you feel you can never find a more upstanding guy for the rest of your life? Even if this were so, is this guy worth risking your life for?

A more realistic scenario would be a girl running for her life upon finding out this guy was stupid enough to catch herpes due to extremely risky sexual behaviour. But then, Valtrex would remain on store shelves. The drug company needs to convince people that using their drug will keep their partner around. The task shouldn't prove too difficult. Their target customers have already shown how stupid they are in contracting an easily preventable serious disease.

Q & A's from around the web

a video online won't load and the symbol is in the corner. it has a red square, a green circle, and a blue triangle. how do i get the video to play?

Hand wash, machine dry, do not use bleach.

Are you smarter than a (Canadian) fifth grader?

The show has migrated north, and in like style, Canadians turn out to be no smarter than their neighbours to the south. I watched the show for the first time the other night and the first contestant missed this question:

How many syllables are there in the word "Elementary"?

The question remained on the board, the host spoke the word several times (in five syllables), the contestant repeated it several times and then confidently said "Four". Her little classmate couldn't save her, having written "4" as her answer.

I know a lot of people pronounce it as four syllables, but I presumed it was mostly due to laziness. Staring at the word on the board, how can one reasonably pronounce "tary" as "tree"?

The second contestant decided to "drop out" with $175,000 when the valedictorian was presented with the "difficult" $300,000 question "What is the most southern point of the Canadian mainland?", a question his fifth grader helper got right despite the fact that I noted (but the host did not) that she had spelled it incorrectly. I have mentioned this place several times over the years explaining that it is at the approximate latitude of Northern California. The place is Point Pelee (Ontario).

Q & A's from around the web

Why cant i find the guy that dosent care about how big you are?

Just be patient and when the time is right he will show up. You'll be happier in the end

You'll be happier in both ends.

Q & A's from around the web

what is the shortest period of time you have know a person before having sex togetherfor the first time?

2 weeks....but after 4 years, I am still with him...Hey, i found out early, he had a stroke worth staying around for....lol --Jen

Hey, Jen. Sorry to hear your boyfriend had a stroke. Hope he's feeling better. And good for you for staying around.

I knew someone three and a half minutes before having sex...but we didn't have it together...and it wasn't the first time.

Designing women

I am by no means an expert at image editing, but if I were in charge of designing women, this pretty body builder would look more like the lower image.

Cindy Philips by Cindy 


Cindy Philips by Enzo 

There's just something about a woman who looks like she can punish you (and not in a good way), that is a real turn-off. Tell me what you think by clicking on "Comments" below.

(By the way, I wonder why somebody edited out the Kia she was holding on her shoulder.)