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Wednesday, 10 June 2020
Psychopath
Yesterday, I overheard someone say that there was a psychopath on Main Street. I
thought for a second, and realized he must have been referring to our mayor,
since the City Hall is on Main St. If he had been talking about a previous
mayor, whom the city sued for wasting/embezzling/mismanaging tens of millions of
dollars, I could understand. But our current mayor seems about as down-to-earth
as anyone. I dismissed it as idle chatter.
Later that day, I dropped by my brother's place. We enjoyed a beer, and
mostly chatted about our gardens. At one point, the conversation came around
to baldness. To be more specific, the worn out nature of my rear bicycle tire,
which I had ridden over there.
He recounted to me how he was always getting flats on his bike, and in
frustration, he went to a local bike shop, tire in hand, and asked for advice.
The proprietor immediately told him he needs a new tire, as it was so worn
that any piece of glass would penetrate it. Problem solved.
But this story is not about bikes, or even gardens. During the course of
my brother's tale, he mentioned the name of the bike shop, and that it's
located on Main Street.
Friday, 5 June 2020
Maybe you shouldn't have asked
An anguished question from a Trump supporter: ‘Why do liberals think Trump supporters are stupid?’THE SERIOUS ANSWER: Here’s what the majority of anti-Trump voters honestly feel about Trump supporters en masse:That when you saw a man who had owned a fraudulent University, intent on scamming poor people, you thought "Fine." (https://www.usatoday.com/…/trump-university-sett…/502387002/)
That when you saw a man who had made it his business practice to stiff his creditors, you said, "Okay." (https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-hotel-paid-millions-in-…)
That when you heard him proudly brag about his own history of sexual abuse, you said, "No problem." (https://abcnews.go.com/…/list-trumps-accusers-allega…/story…)
That when he made up stories about seeing Muslim-Americans in the thousands cheering the destruction of the World Trade Center, you said, "Not an issue." (https://www.washingtonpost.com/…/donald-trumps-outrageous-…/)
That when you saw him brag that he could shoot a man on Fifth Avenue and you wouldn't care, you exclaimed, "He sure knows me." (https://www.usatoday.com/…/president-donald-tru…/4073405002/)
That when you heard him relating a story of an elderly guest of his country club, an 80-year old man, who fell off a stage and hit his head, to Trump replied: “‘Oh my God, that’s disgusting,’ and I turned away. I couldn’t—you know, he was right in front of me, and I turned away. I didn’t want to touch him. He was bleeding all over the place. And I felt terrible, because it was a beautiful white marble floor, and now it had changed color. Became very red.” You said, "That's cool!" (https://www.gq.com/story/donald-trump-howard-stern-story)
That when you saw him mock the disabled, you thought it was the funniest thing you ever saw. (https://www.nbcnews.com/…/donald-trump-criticized-after-he-…)
That when you heard him brag that he doesn't read books, you said, "Well, who has time?" (https://www.theatlantic.com/…/americas-first-post-t…/549794/)
That when the Central Park Five were compensated as innocent men convicted of a crime they didn't commit, and he angrily said that they should still be in prison, you said, "That makes sense." (https://www.usatoday.com/…/what-trump-has-said-…/1501321001/)
That when you heard him tell his supporters to beat up protesters and that he would hire attorneys, you thought, "Yes!" (https://www.latimes.com/…/la-na-trump-campaign-protests-201…)
That when you heard him tell one rally to confiscate a man's coat before throwing him out into the freezing cold, you said, "What a great guy!" (https://www.independent.co.uk/…/donald-trump-orders-protest…)
That you have watched the parade of neo-Nazis and white supremacists with whom he curries favor, while refusing to condemn outright Nazis, and you have said, "Thumbs up!" (https://www.theatlantic.com/…/why-cant-trump-just-c…/567320/)
That you hear him unable to talk to foreign dignitaries without insulting their countries and demanding that they praise his electoral win, you said, "That's the way I want my President to be." (https://www.huffpost.com/…/trump-insult-foreign-countries-l…)
That you have watched him remove expertise from all layers of government in favor of people who make money off of eliminating protections in the industries they're supposed to be regulating and you have said, "What a genius!" (https://www.politico.com/…/138-trump-policy-changes-2017-00…)
That you have heard him continue to profit from his businesses, in part by leveraging his position as President, to the point of overcharging the Secret Service for space in the properties he owns, and you have said, "That's smart!" (https://www.usnews.com/…/how-is-donald-trump-profiting-from…)
That you have heard him say that it was difficult to help Puerto Rico because it was in the middle of water and you have said, "That makes sense." (https://www.washingtonpost.com/…/the-very-big-ocean-betwee…/)
That you have seen him start fights with every country from Canada to New Zealand while praising Russia and quote, "falling in love" with the dictator of North Korea, and you have said, "That's statesmanship!" (https://www.cnn.com/…/donald-trump-dictators-kim…/index.html)
That Trump separated children from their families and put them in cages, managed to lose track of 1500 kids, has opened a tent city incarceration camp in the desert in Texas - he explains that they’re just “animals” - and you say, “Well, OK then.” (https://www.nbcnews.com/…/more-5-400-children-split-border-…)
That you have witnessed all the thousand and one other manifestations of corruption and low moral character and outright animalistic rudeness and contempt for you, the working American voter, and you still show up grinning and wearing your MAGA hats and threatening to beat up anybody who says otherwise. (https://www.americanprogress.org/…/confronting-cost-trumps…/)
That when you saw a man who had made it his business practice to stiff his creditors, you said, "Okay." (https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-hotel-paid-millions-in-…)
That when you heard him proudly brag about his own history of sexual abuse, you said, "No problem." (https://abcnews.go.com/…/list-trumps-accusers-allega…/story…)
That when he made up stories about seeing Muslim-Americans in the thousands cheering the destruction of the World Trade Center, you said, "Not an issue." (https://www.washingtonpost.com/…/donald-trumps-outrageous-…/)
That when you saw him brag that he could shoot a man on Fifth Avenue and you wouldn't care, you exclaimed, "He sure knows me." (https://www.usatoday.com/…/president-donald-tru…/4073405002/)
That when you heard him relating a story of an elderly guest of his country club, an 80-year old man, who fell off a stage and hit his head, to Trump replied: “‘Oh my God, that’s disgusting,’ and I turned away. I couldn’t—you know, he was right in front of me, and I turned away. I didn’t want to touch him. He was bleeding all over the place. And I felt terrible, because it was a beautiful white marble floor, and now it had changed color. Became very red.” You said, "That's cool!" (https://www.gq.com/story/donald-trump-howard-stern-story)
That when you saw him mock the disabled, you thought it was the funniest thing you ever saw. (https://www.nbcnews.com/…/donald-trump-criticized-after-he-…)
That when you heard him brag that he doesn't read books, you said, "Well, who has time?" (https://www.theatlantic.com/…/americas-first-post-t…/549794/)
That when the Central Park Five were compensated as innocent men convicted of a crime they didn't commit, and he angrily said that they should still be in prison, you said, "That makes sense." (https://www.usatoday.com/…/what-trump-has-said-…/1501321001/)
That when you heard him tell his supporters to beat up protesters and that he would hire attorneys, you thought, "Yes!" (https://www.latimes.com/…/la-na-trump-campaign-protests-201…)
That when you heard him tell one rally to confiscate a man's coat before throwing him out into the freezing cold, you said, "What a great guy!" (https://www.independent.co.uk/…/donald-trump-orders-protest…)
That you have watched the parade of neo-Nazis and white supremacists with whom he curries favor, while refusing to condemn outright Nazis, and you have said, "Thumbs up!" (https://www.theatlantic.com/…/why-cant-trump-just-c…/567320/)
That you hear him unable to talk to foreign dignitaries without insulting their countries and demanding that they praise his electoral win, you said, "That's the way I want my President to be." (https://www.huffpost.com/…/trump-insult-foreign-countries-l…)
That you have watched him remove expertise from all layers of government in favor of people who make money off of eliminating protections in the industries they're supposed to be regulating and you have said, "What a genius!" (https://www.politico.com/…/138-trump-policy-changes-2017-00…)
That you have heard him continue to profit from his businesses, in part by leveraging his position as President, to the point of overcharging the Secret Service for space in the properties he owns, and you have said, "That's smart!" (https://www.usnews.com/…/how-is-donald-trump-profiting-from…)
That you have heard him say that it was difficult to help Puerto Rico because it was in the middle of water and you have said, "That makes sense." (https://www.washingtonpost.com/…/the-very-big-ocean-betwee…/)
That you have seen him start fights with every country from Canada to New Zealand while praising Russia and quote, "falling in love" with the dictator of North Korea, and you have said, "That's statesmanship!" (https://www.cnn.com/…/donald-trump-dictators-kim…/index.html)
That Trump separated children from their families and put them in cages, managed to lose track of 1500 kids, has opened a tent city incarceration camp in the desert in Texas - he explains that they’re just “animals” - and you say, “Well, OK then.” (https://www.nbcnews.com/…/more-5-400-children-split-border-…)
That you have witnessed all the thousand and one other manifestations of corruption and low moral character and outright animalistic rudeness and contempt for you, the working American voter, and you still show up grinning and wearing your MAGA hats and threatening to beat up anybody who says otherwise. (https://www.americanprogress.org/…/confronting-cost-trumps…/)
What you don't get, Trump supporters, is that our succumbing to frustration and shaking our heads, thinking of you as stupid, may very well be wrong and unhelpful, but it's also...hear me...charitable.
Because if you're NOT stupid, we must turn to other explanations, and most of them are less flattering.
- Adam-Troy Castro
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Saturday, 30 May 2020
Monday, 11 May 2020
Wednesday, 6 May 2020
Hungry-Man TV Dinners
Due to persistent accusations of false advertising, Swanson has dropped their long-time line of Hungry-Man TV dinners in favour of more honest branding.
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Tuesday, 5 May 2020
Don't go into the shower!
I pulled back the shower curtain to turn on the water, and the enormity of it startled me--one of the biggest earwigs I've ever seen! Where did he come from!? I run a tight ship, and a clean ship. As I watched the Great Beast seemingly run in every direction at once, I figured he could only have come from The Depths of Hell.
I turned on the water, and continued to watch Wigasaurus. It came in my direction as far up the side of the bathtub as he could, but twice I flicked his azz back, the second time, into the water, but somehow, he managed to extricate himself, and climbed up a little on the far side of the tub. Dances with Demons stopped to catch his breath, and assess the situation.
I thought the wayward water droplets would slide him back into the water, but this was no ordinary bug. It was clearly the Bug from Hell. Well, since I couldn't easily reach it. I decided to get into the tub...from the rear...where I always get into the tub. Really.
There he stood, not moving a muscle. I wondered if he was playing possum, or had he been scalded, and somehow was stuck to the tub. I cupped my hands and got them full of water, and water bombed the Thing of Evil. Nothing. I tried again with the same result.
This Colossal Bug required colossal thinking to eradicate it, but I had no tools to work with. I cupped my hands again, and reloaded. This time I dive bombed down to within a hair's breath of him, and let Wigzilla have it.
Splash! And away into the swirling water he went, carrying the Spawn of the Devil back to his unearthly origin. As I showered, my gaze kept returning to the drain, almost expecting to see Wigfoot scoot back out to torment me, once again. It seems I had won!
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I turned on the water, and continued to watch Wigasaurus. It came in my direction as far up the side of the bathtub as he could, but twice I flicked his azz back, the second time, into the water, but somehow, he managed to extricate himself, and climbed up a little on the far side of the tub. Dances with Demons stopped to catch his breath, and assess the situation.
I thought the wayward water droplets would slide him back into the water, but this was no ordinary bug. It was clearly the Bug from Hell. Well, since I couldn't easily reach it. I decided to get into the tub...from the rear...where I always get into the tub. Really.
There he stood, not moving a muscle. I wondered if he was playing possum, or had he been scalded, and somehow was stuck to the tub. I cupped my hands and got them full of water, and water bombed the Thing of Evil. Nothing. I tried again with the same result.
This Colossal Bug required colossal thinking to eradicate it, but I had no tools to work with. I cupped my hands again, and reloaded. This time I dive bombed down to within a hair's breath of him, and let Wigzilla have it.
Splash! And away into the swirling water he went, carrying the Spawn of the Devil back to his unearthly origin. As I showered, my gaze kept returning to the drain, almost expecting to see Wigfoot scoot back out to torment me, once again. It seems I had won!
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Monday, 4 May 2020
Thursday, 30 April 2020
Thursday, 12 March 2020
Wednesday, 11 March 2020
Wednesday, 4 March 2020
Devil's Food
They caught me on a day when my sweet tooth was acting up, and they made me an offer I couldn't refuse, and so I bought a large jar of Nutella for a very good price. I hadn't bought one since my kids had grown.
I usually have something or other sweet in the fridge or cupboard, so I rarely get caught with my fingers in the Nutella jar. Time passed, and I started to worry that it would spoil before I finished it.
A few minutes, ago, I figured I could use a snack, and in one of those rare moments, I had nothing appropriate. So, I opened the "old stand-by", and peered inside. By golly, it still looked like the day I bought it, save for the parts around the rim, and even that looked like it was just a bit dry. I spread some on some toast, and it did the trick.
Let me let you in on a little secret--this stuff is a miracle food. I bought this product well over a year ago; probably 18 months ago! And I followed the directions: "Do not refrigerate". I just checked the ingredients to see WTH chemical(s) is/are maintaining the moisture, colour, taste, and texture of this unGodly stuff. There's barely any chemicals in it!
Thank God, it's almost finished. I should be done eating the last of it in about six months or so. I just had a vision of my body on a coroner's table, and someone saying "He ate two year old Nutella--did him in".
Click here to go to most recent posts.
I usually have something or other sweet in the fridge or cupboard, so I rarely get caught with my fingers in the Nutella jar. Time passed, and I started to worry that it would spoil before I finished it.
A few minutes, ago, I figured I could use a snack, and in one of those rare moments, I had nothing appropriate. So, I opened the "old stand-by", and peered inside. By golly, it still looked like the day I bought it, save for the parts around the rim, and even that looked like it was just a bit dry. I spread some on some toast, and it did the trick.
Let me let you in on a little secret--this stuff is a miracle food. I bought this product well over a year ago; probably 18 months ago! And I followed the directions: "Do not refrigerate". I just checked the ingredients to see WTH chemical(s) is/are maintaining the moisture, colour, taste, and texture of this unGodly stuff. There's barely any chemicals in it!
Thank God, it's almost finished. I should be done eating the last of it in about six months or so. I just had a vision of my body on a coroner's table, and someone saying "He ate two year old Nutella--did him in".
Click here to go to most recent posts.
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