A glimpse into the future

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Simple act of kindness

Today, while walking, I came face to face with a dishevelled old man who quickly gave me his sob story before I could walk out of earshot. "I'm on the street and I'd like to get some lunch. Can you spare any change?" I politely declined his request and continued on.

I took about 20 steps and then started to feel sorry for him. I thought to myself that he'd probably just spend any money given to him on booze or drugs. He didn't seem quite all there. Then I thought that whatever he does with it, it'll be something he deems more necessary at the moment to help him cope with his obviously unpleasant circumstances. He may need to escape from his problems for a while or he may indeed need to eat something.

I dug into my pocket and found a couple of Toonies (Canadian $2 coins). I turned around and started back just in time to see another man solicited and reject the pan handler. I walked up and told him "Here, take this" and dropped the coins into his outstretched hand. He looked at me, then at the coins in his still outstretched hand and then back at me as if he couldn't comprehend what had just happened. Finally, he said "Thanks a lot, chief. You're very kind". I mumbled "No problem" as I turned to go on my way. He remained where he was and continued to shower me with accolades of gratitude as I put distance between us.

A few minutes later, I stopped at an intersection waiting for traffic to ease and he caught up with me and continued with the thanks, etc. I couldn't help but smile at the situation and as I crossed the road, he remained there again continuing "God bless you..."

Well, it gave me a lift for the rest of the afternoon, which got me to thinking: Which one of us got the bigger lift from the transaction?

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Sister Mary Ann

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco gasoline station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said,

'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.'

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Wave at the nice policeman

Thank God most criminals are dumb. We might be in serious trouble, otherwise. Case in point:

A young man walking along a highway near Kenora, Ontario, Canada spotted a police car going by and took the opportunity to "flip the bird", give a "middle finger salute" or whatever you want to call the rude gesture. The cop turned his vehicle around and stopped to chat with the guy.

During the exchange, it came to light that the man was carrying a number of stolen items, including two credit cards, a GPS, an IPod charger and a BlackBerry. The 19-year-old was charged with possession of stolen property.

The police officer said "A simple wave would have been a wiser choice".

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Heh...I was right on

Raptors lose by 13 in another of a long string of uninspired efforts. This, to a team whose record is only better than two teams in the entire NBA. A women's team can beat Raps on most nights. No offence to women.

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By how many points...

...will the Raptors lose to the lowly 21-47 Golden State who have lost their last six? 5 points? 10 points? 15? More?

Raptors, who have lost 7 of their last 8, have given a much-needed lift to several teams lately who were in a slump. Multi-million dollar contracts and they get out of the way every time the opposition heads to the basket. Three nights ago, Sacramento scored almost half their points with layups and 43 points in the third quarter alone. I think it's disgusting. Frankly, I don't know why anyone would want to pay to watch them. It's sick. And sickening.

Do the honourable thing and find another line of work. Here's a novel idea: earn your money. White and blue-collar workers alike are mostly not thrilled with their co-workers, bosses and working conditions, yet they bust their humps for their few shekels. With a multi-million dollar salary, why can't you put whatever BS is bothering your sensibilities aside and do your job?! If not for your employer, do it for your own pride and/or for your fans.

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I love Calderon, but I couldn't resist

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Could you use a chuckle?

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on.
By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.' She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time
on the right feet.

He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,

'Why didn't you say so?', like she wanted to. Once again, she
struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little
feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said,

'They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?'

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

She will be eligible for parole in three years.


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Q & A's from around the web

How can i get sharpie out of my jeans?

Aw...what a cute pet name you have for your boyfriend!

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Q & A's from around the web

I have a St. Bernard/Mastiff mix in my home and I am thinking of getting a chihuahua. Is it safe?

I wouldn't advise it. There's a very good chance that the bigger dog would at some point bitch-slap the Chihuahua for his tacos.

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Q & A's from around the web

Whats the speed of Dark? theres the speed of light..but not dark...?

being there is the speed of light which is e=mc2 is the therum of it being sent to your eye in a matter of millaseconds dark has no speed because the light receptors in your eye do not recieve the pigment it takes to see so there is no actual speed just like dark holes because the gravity is so strong it doesnt even let light out. AMAZING

The gentleman who posted the answer above cited the source of his knowledge as "I study In Science".

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Q & A's from around the web

Can alcohol kill a fresh herpes virus?

Booze is probably responsible for you getting it in the first place. And quite possibly in the second place.


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