Wednesday 31 October 2012

New and improved crap

Pizza Hut really struck gold with this idea.



If the lactose in the cheese isn't making you sick enough, the fat and cholesterol in the red meat isn't clogging your arteries enough, and the white flour isn't clogging up your butt enough, throw in some hooves and ears (or beaks and feet if it's a chicken hot dog) into the crust. Oh, there's no time to pick up a phone. You need one right now. Order online! While you're at it, you may as well call the paramedics. The amount of time between suffering a heart attack and receiving treatment is critical for recovery. Invite them in to watch TV with you while you wait for your coronary.


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Tuesday 23 October 2012

Best jab ever




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Psycho

If you didn't have enough proof that corporations fit every description of  "psychopath", here's the latest:

Energizer Holdingsthe consumer goods conglomerate that produces Banana Boat products, announced Friday that certain of the brand's sunscreen sprays may potentially burst into flames on users' skin if they come in contact with a flame or spark before the spray is completely dry.
Energizer said it has received reports of four "adverse events" in which the sprays have caused burns in the U.S., and one in Canada."Adverse events"??? How else would you categorize someone responsible for causing a human being to suddenly and without warning burst into flames and calling it an "adverse event", if not a psychopath?

"Mr. Browne, this is County Hospital calling. I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your 16 year old daughter was sunbathing and she had a um, 'adverse event'."

"Dang--that girl seems to be allergic to just about everything. How bad is it?"

"Well, let's just say that if she wanted to be cremated, she saved you a little cash."

Full Story.


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Monday 22 October 2012

Women follow me wherever I go

The following ad has been popping up regularly lately, seemingly following me around.

(Click to enlarge.)

Can someone please explain to me why these busty, attractive women:

a) want me instead of a young man?

b) have so much trouble meeting men that they feel they need to use a dating service? They certainly don't look shy!

c) if they're looking for a sugar daddy, isn't there an app for that?

I think the ad would be more believable if instead of saying "you", it said "Vinny".

Just the same, I'm afraid I have to decline. Sorry, ladies--this old man is taken.


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Sunday 21 October 2012

Breaking news!

There were no mass killings in the United States, today. Oh, wait--yes, there was.

A shotgun-toting man in suburban Milwaukee, Wisconsin killed three women and injured four others before turning the gun on himself.

There have been at least seven separate incidents of mass murders in the U.S. so far this year, with 110 killed or injured. Has anyone ever stopped to ask why such actions occur with seemingly increasing frequency? I don't mean asking yourself a rhetorical question about it as if there is no known answer to the situation. I mean sitting down and analyzing why a country touted as the land of milk and honey, where opportunities abound, and where the American dream can come true for anyone, has violence on the scale one expects from a third world country steeped in poverty?

Sit down right now and make a list of all the ways in which the U.S. is quite different from most developed countries. The answer will be in front of you. Some of the items may seem counter intuitive to spurring deadly violence on a large scale, but if you think outside the box, you may come to understand the connections.

Then go out and preach the message.

Some of you will think I'm talking nonsense. Others of you won't care, because as long as you're getting yours, so what if (other) people are dying. It's the cost of doing business, right? Wrong. People living in other places in the world are consistently shown to be healthier, happier, more content than Americans, and with a fraction of the threat of violence. It boggles the mind what some people accept as normal and hardly ever give it a thought.


Once again, police respond to a multiple shooting-death scene.

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Amazing illusion

I first brought you the amazing illusion in the video below in February 2012. At that time, I explained how I verified that what my eyes and yours tell us is utter BS. It takes a little effort to get this proof, but now I found a video that clearly demonstrates the proof that there's no hanky panky, and without any effort from you other than clicking on the play button. You may want to view my original posting here, first.



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Saturday 20 October 2012

Ripped from the headlines

19-year-old Catalina Clouser put her 5-week-old baby on top of her car in his car seat and drove away, apparently forgetting he was there, not even noticing when the seat fell off the car and landed in an intersection, police said. The baby was discovered in the roadway, uninjured and still strapped in his car seat, by neighbors.

Full Story

I predict that it will soon be learned that Mitt Romney is the baby daddy.


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Tuesday 16 October 2012

Dreams do come true

Terry Hostikka, of Brantford, Ontario won over $16 million in the 6-49 lottery.


When he was asked what he would do with the money, he said he can now afford to resume the search  for his long-lost buddy from when they were young lads growing up on the streets of Toronto. He still carries a photo of himself with his friend after all these years...


Okay, that was cruel. Terry does not look at all like that. The following was copied directly from his driver's license:




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Friday 12 October 2012

Yes, Canadians love them this much

This Tim Horton's drive-through can drive through a Tim Horton's drive-through.



This unit is used as a mobile restaurant and goes from site to site when an existing store is being renovated or newly built. It is equipped with a full kitchen and is used by both drive-through and walk-in customers.


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Wednesday 10 October 2012

Saving you the trouble...

...of searching my blog for something worthwhile.

Whether you got here by accident or you're one of my many loyal fan, you may as well be treated to some of my more popular postings. Here are links to a few that have gotten more views...

Mantis      Crow snowboarding     Funny political discussion (short)   

Double take     PSA     Facebook fun     For the gentlemen


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Tuesday 9 October 2012

Then and now

In my Web meanderings, today, I came across Morgan Fairchild. You may remember her from the '70's or '80's from any number of TV shows. She was a guest on many top shows. Here she is from that era...



Here she is in more recent times...




One could argue that she is more attractive at age 62 (yes, 62!) than she was in her 20's. She has been blessed...either by God or by a very good plastic surgeon.

On this day, I also happened upon a vixen from one of the most popular TV shows of the 70's, Dallas. Charlene Tilton made many a man feel like a pedophile whenever she sauntered (that's how she walked--with a spring in her step) across our screens. She was 20 years old when she started the role, but she looked much younger. At least her face did. This is her from back then:





And more recent photos of Charlene, who is now 53...




Bless her heart. And thanks for the memories, Charlene.



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Saturday 6 October 2012

Poor Elmo loses his job




 
 
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Is PETA going too far?

PETA is planning to paste the following ad on billboards as close to schools as possible in several Canadian cities. In a news release, they suggest that a tofurkey is substitued for the traditional bird.

I have greatly reduced the amount of meat I eat, but not for moral reasons. On those occasions I might eat turkey, pehaps once or twice a year, I couldn't imagine eating tofu instead of a steaming slice of turkey breast covered in gravy and cranberry sauce. My brain is watering just writing about it. But Fido is safe...dum!, dum!, dum!...or is he?

 



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Friday 5 October 2012

Big bird salutes Mitt Romney


For the benefit of anyone who doesn't "get it", Romney said during the debate that he would stop funding PBS, which has been producing Sesame Street (and many fine programs) for as long as I can remember. Well, not quite. I'm even older than Oscar the grouch. But the children of over 120 countries now grow up watching those lovable muppets and getting a head start on learning numbers, the alphabet and laughter. Mitt the grinch would deprive the world of all that.


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Wednesday 3 October 2012

www.nuclearpowerdaily.com


The poor girl in that ad needs lessons in good posture as well as one of these. But then again, she looks like she doesn't give a sh*t.



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Monday 1 October 2012

Truth in advertising?

The ad below appeared on my Facebook page recently. Take a good look at it. Unfortunately, the image is not very clear. It was a very small ad and so I doubled its size.


Regardless, does she look like a senior to you? Does she look like she needs the help of an online dating service to meet men? Lastly, maybe I'm just jaded, but does she strike you as a person who would be faithful? If she had any less clothing, she'd look like she were posing for Sports Illustrated. I'd be willing to bet dollars to doughnuts that this young lady does not have a profile on the advertised website.



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