How's this for a twist of irony?

I took some pasta al forno to my lawyer friend today, and as it turned out, she had brought in some veggies from her garden to the office, of which she gave me a sample. Never has a woman given me her zucchini! Me, who is known in some circles as Vinny Zucchini, got "squashed" by a woman! She's one sweet tomato, I can tell you that.

Shhh...do you hear that sound?

That silence is the sound of Canadian athletes not receiving their gold medals. Did I say "gold medals"? I meant "medals" period. Once again, Canada is showing the world our metal, as in determination to win. As a proud Canadian, I must cower in shame every four years as my beloved country tries very hard, but is shown to just not quite be good enough to compete with the world's best. It has been the better part of a week since The Games started and we have yet to win a medal of any hue.

This is yet another example of why Canadians are not taken very seriously in the world. We never make any damn noise! Canada is best known as a quiet and clean place. A place with free health care and where polar bears have the run of the place. This is our claim to fame. Very meaningful this is to an avid sports fan.

As one can imagine, this kind of "sports excellence" isn't restricted to The Olympic Games. It is a national trait. Across this big country, we are "blessed" with mediocrity in sport. Nothing can serve as a better example than The Toronto Maple Leafs. I have been carrying the torch for this team who last won the Stanley Cup back in 1967 when I was a young lad of 13 watching with eyes as big as saucers and beaming with pride. It was the Buds' fourth championship in six years. Back then we were used to winning. Fast forward back to the future...

Every Olympics, I watch in embarrassment praying for medal wins for our young athletes who work so hard and dedicate their lives to their particular event(s)--medals that prove time and time again to be as elusive as trying to catch butterflies with your bare hands. Well, at least they can get free health care if they over-extend themselves and get hurt. Snicker.

We lost a good one

I have just learned of the passing of Bernie Mac. What a shock. The man was only 50 years old--younger than I, when he succumbed to pneumonia in hospital this past Saturday. Many people are funny, as Bernie most definitely was, but Bernie was a genuinely nice guy, born into poverty in Chicago, did well for himself, chose not to go to Hollywood and was married for 30 years. RIP, Bernie

Here's to my sweet Satan

When I was growing up listening to hard rock, I never paid much attention to rumours of Satanic messages contained in such songs when played backwards. For one thing, my record player (and my 8-track) didn't play backwards. Anyway, in my meanderings this evening, I came across one such story. Wikipedia was good enough to contain a sound clip for me to judge for myself. I found it fascinating that so many consecutive words sound very much like actual words. Listen for yourself:

Click Here

Mackerel! Fresh Mackerel!

One recent Friday, I was remarking to a friend that I was rushing off to buy some fresh fish at my favourite supermarket before it was picked over. Upon quick reflection, I caught myself and corrected it to "fresher" fish.

My arrival proved my point as I surveyed tag after tag indicating "Previously Frozen". We race to the supermarket in order to have the pick of "fresher" fish--previously frozen fish that isn't quite as gnarly as other fish that isn't fresh, either. It's a reflection of the times we live in, is it not? If you're over 40, you probably remember the ma and pa fish store that your mom would visit and get really fresh fish--only fresh fish. It was very recently that you could at least get fresh fish on Thursdays, the typical delivery day ahead of the traditional Friday Fresh Fish Fest. No longer.

"Fresh fish" reminds me of the birth (pun intended) of the term "safe sex" and the soon thereafter coining of "safer sex" as it became evident that we could no longer get "fresh" sex, either...especially if one were gay. Not that I am. And not that there's anything wrong with that.

Speaking of fruits...have you ever noticed that much of the fruit you buy today from peaches to melons are hard as rocks? In the never-ending quest for bigger and bigger profits, corporations, which now own just about the entire food retail market, are having produce picked before it is ripe so that wastage through spoilage is reduced. It seems we can't get much "fresh" fruit anymore, either.

On the bright side, we can now get fresh news thanks to the internet. However, since half a billion people are blogging their own brand of news, it tends to be watered down, these days, like drinks in many bars, these days...and like sports with the ever-increasing number of franchises, these days...and...