Returning from the edge of the abys...and obese

I've been a fan of hers for over 35 years ever since I watched her at the age of fifteen (her age, not mine) on the hit TV series "One Day at a Time". Her sweet looks and the apparent lack of scandal that often follows child stars, kept her close to my heart over the years. It didn't hurt that she had an Italian surname as I do.

I was delighted to "see her again" after being out of the spotlight for, gulp, decades, when she started doing Jenny Craig commercials. Of course, I had no idea that the petite girl had let herself get "very large", and I think I'm being kind when I use that term, but I was pleased as all-get-out to see that she had whooped her disorder and was much slimmer at the time of the commercials.

I have a thing about over-weight people--not a good thing. I can't seem to get past it. It's a personality flaw (mine, not theirs). Sooo, I felt that Bertinelli was still kind of chubby. There's a word I like to use for attractive women who are a bit overweight--"thick". Every time I saw one of her commercials, as much as I squinted, I just couldn't quite shoe-horn her into the "thick" category.

Maybe it was the image that I carried around so long that made the "new" Valerie look to me to be bigger than she really was. Regardless, I got a very pleasant surprise today. I happened on an ad for a People Magazine story about Bertinelli getting into a bikini to celebrate her 49th birthday.

I have another quirk, and again, not a good thing--I keep forgetting how old I am (and look) and catch myself being too critical of others about my age and sometimes even much younger than I. But, I have to admit that this fine lady looks as good in a bikini today as anyone at any age does. She has completely returned from obesity. To have come back around to "thick" would have been terrific, but she has come all the way back to a slim, beautiful, vivacious "girl".

Congratulations, Valerie! Your adoring fans would love to see you on the screen again, big or small (the screen, not your size)!

I sure hope they didn't photoshop her image. A guy with even my poor skills can produce results like this...

I guess they didn't get the memo on obesity

A minor league baseball park in Grand Rapids, Michigan has added a major league item to its menu--an unbelievable four pound burger! The monstrosity contains 4,800 calories and it's price tag is also major league--it'll set you back $20. But they say that anyone who eats it all in one sitting will receive a special T-shirt. Mama mia! Atsa one big hamburger!

Q & A's from around the web

How many HRs does a player on average hit each season?

totally depends on the player

It depends totally on the player

There are many variables that factor into how many homeruns per season a player averages.

The problem with your question is that there is no single average player to base an average number of homeruns on each year.

Editor's note:
You ask a simple question--you'd think someone would just say "About 20".

It's no wonder people call it Faux News

I can easily imagine a few of the lines in the following video taken from a late night Fox News show being used in a Canadian comedy production. Making light of our army is as much a part of our identity as the fact that the Canada's military has participated in more U.N. peace missions than any other country, including the United States. But given that there's a war going on in Afghanistan, a war where Canadians have had more soldiers there than any other country except for the U.S., I find it to be in very bad taste. This coupled with the fact that this aired while we were honouring the latest four fallen soldiers, bringing the total number of Canadians lost in this war to 116, elevates the statements to deplorable.

Imagine that a Canadian news program went on the day after 9/11 and participants joked and laughed about how Americans can't build office buildings properly, etc. How appropriate would that be? In comedy, it's all about timing. And this segment's timing was way off. How funny does it seem now?

The old boy is still (marginally) lucid

I am very happy to report that over the last few weeks, I made two moves putting sizable chunks of my money back into the market. I am now about 50% invested. I have almost given up trying to pick winning stocks or even winning mutual funds, so over the last year or so, my entire portfolio has been in a mix of money market (pays virtually nothing, but it's a safe haven) and a fund based on the TSX (Toronto Stock Exchange) index.

Where will the markets go from here? It's anybody's guess. Everyone (including me) has been predicting longterm doom and gloom, and I still believe it. But the markets have surprised several times recently and also in the past, doing things unexpected. While we have not yet felt the full effects of millions of laid off workers, and that tide probably has not eased yet, the markets could very well look beyond it and ride the optimism that has currently washed over investors who believe that Obama and co. are on the right track to resolving this unprecedented financial collapse.

If only I were allowed to shift my money as often and in real time as I felt market conditions warranted, I might be able to make serious money, but alas, my financial institution only applies changes requested before 3 p.m. at day's close and once you shift money into a fund, whether it's a true mutual fund or it's a money market or index fund, you cannot move money out of it for a whole month (you can, but severe penalties are applied making it unproductive--they consider it day-trading). Still, I've managed to generate (almost) enough money to live on for the last six years. It's a meagre existence compared to the high life I lived for the last few decades, but for reasons I'm not ready to divulge, this will have to do.

Note:
On December 17th, 2008, after U.S. markets made large gains following the big drop, I wrote this...

I see the American indexes dropping below their previous lows in the coming months. I'll join the market at that point because I expect slow and steady gains going forward for the foreseeable future.

And on February 27th, I reiterated my sentiment here...

I'm not convinced that we have hit bottom, yet.

Sure enough, early in March new lows were forged. Technically, I was wrong about slow and steady gains following it--they have been nothing short of tremendous to this point. As I write this at mid-afternoon, North American exchange indexes are up around four percent on the day.

Good luck to you all in your investment decisions! And to anyone who is suffering financially, chin up--better times will return.