Wednesday 3 December 2008

I beg your pardon?

Dallas Stars forward Sean Avery is in hot water again. The Superpest of the NHL received a suspension for conduct "detrimental to the league or game of hockey."

The offence occurred when the team was in Calgary and Avery made these comments on camera:

"I'm really happy to be back in Calgary. I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds."

Avery's ex-girlfriend, actress Elisha Cuthbert, is dating Calgary defenceman Dion Phaneuf and had been romantically linked to Mike Komisarek of the Montreal Canadiens. Avery also dated model and actress Rachel Hunter, the girlfriend of Los Angeles Kings centre Jarrett Stoll.

Elisha Cuthbert:



The Stars were so shocked by their own player's conduct that they publicly supported the suspension. In the past, he's occasionally painted his fingernails black to distract an opponent during a fight. On the ice, he is human sandpaper. Newsweek dubbed Avery "the human equivalent of jock itch."


Tuesday 2 December 2008

Supermarket outlaws

Yesterday, I was at the supermarket check-out line and I noticed that the woman in front of me had eight 24-can cases of coke in her shopping cart. In fact, that's all she had in it. Moments later, a man whom I presume was her husband, brought an empty cart and they transferred four of the cases from her cart to his. Then, they proceeded to nonchalantly and while chattering, pay separately for the soda. In fact, it turns out he was a little short of cash and she provided the needed funds.

The reason was clear, but to verify it, when I got home, I checked the flyer from the store that gets delivered to my door each week (the flyer gets delivered, not the store) and sure enough, the pop was on sale and there was a limit of four cases per family.

Now, not only did they clearly violate the terms of the sale, they also thought nothing of the husband butting in line. Of course, neither offence was serious enough to end in a lynching, though it might have had a deterrent effect not only on those two culprits but also on other would-be supermarket rule violators.

I don't generally call people out on immoral behaviour, but I have on occasion, and I'm feeling sorry today that I didn't that time. Bothersome also, is the fact that the check-out girl never batted an eye during the proceedings. I think she should have lost her badge or at least forced to clean up aisle five for a week or so.

I wonder if people would be as quick to break with store rules if there were a gallows with two dummies hanging from it in the centre of every supermarket with a sign that reads "THEY VIOLATED THE LIMIT OF FOUR PER FAMILY PURCHASE RULE". Or perhaps a man on a cross--I don't mean as a threat to be crucified, but as a reminder to be decent for Christ's sake. Well, either way.

Monday 1 December 2008

Q & A's from around the web

Where can i get a PhD online for free?
One of those dodgy ones where you put your name down and get a PhD for nothing..I want to be a doctor.

People are well aware of this buddy, and do a HUGE back-round check.

A back-round check??? You can spot a phony doctor by checking their ass? Most doctors put their degree on a wall.

Saturday 29 November 2008

Indiana woman dies at 115 as world's oldest person

SHELBYVILLE, Ind. - Edna Parker, who became the world's oldest person more than a year ago, has died at age 115.

UCLA gerontologist Dr. Stephen Coles said Parker's great-nephew notified him that Parker died Wednesday at a nursing home in Shelbyville. She was 115 years, 220 days old, said Robert Young, a senior consultant for gerontology for Guinness World Records.

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The above sounds like something I could have made up, considering that the story came from Shelbyville, a fictional town next to The Simpsons' home town of Springfield, and the gerontologist bearing the same name as the actor (Robert Young) who played the lead in the TV series "Marcus Welby, M.D.", who himself lived to a ripe old age of 91, but I assure you the story is authentic.

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Parker outlived her two sons, Clifford and Earl Jr. She also had five grandchildren, 13 great-grandchildren and 13 great-great-grandchildren.

Parker taught in a two-room school in Shelby County for several years after graduating from Franklin College in 1911. She wed her childhood sweetheart and neighbor in 1913.

Coincidentally, Parker lived in the same nursing home as 7-foot-7 Sandy Allen, whom Guinness recognized as the world's tallest woman until her death in August.

News Story

Friday 28 November 2008

Q & A's from around the web

How long should I let them go at it for? I put my male hamster with the female over an hour ago and they are still having sex. How much longer should I let them go for?

It depends. How much money did he put on her dresser?