Life in the fast lane

I glanced over at the magazine rack at the supermarket, yesterday, and on the cover of the latest issue of Cosmo, is the following:

Sex that brings you closer:
These moves will light a bonfire in his pants...and in his heart.

And:

What guys want after sex.

My reaction to the first storyline is that I'm getting a sense of why young people seem more confused than at any time in history about the difference between love and sex. I am by no stretch of the imagination a prude--never have been, but in my humble opinion, sex, no matter how great, can never have the lasting and cementing effect that love can on two souls. In fact, I would go so far as to say that spectacular sex early in a relationship seems to have the opposite effect. I'm not sure why--I've never thought to analyze it, but my personal and friends' experiences seem to bear this out.

You've probably heard someone say "All we have in common is great sex." It's doubtful you've ever heard anyone complain "All we have in common is a tremendous love for one another."

This is not to say that you can't have both, but great sex more often follows falling in love than the other way around. Just to clarify, if someone is after no-strings great sex, that's their business. What I'm saying is that I believe magazines like Cosmo are leading naive people into believing that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his pants. I think following such advice will only lead to eventual heartache and pain...even if there are a few mind-blowing orgasms along the way.

As far as the second storyline goes, I thought it was pretty clear to just about everyone over 16 what guys want after sex: to get away from the girl as quickly and as far as possible. Of course, I didn't open the magazine to read the article, but if it contradicts this in any way, it's B.S. There is one caveat to this rule, however. Girls, if you offer to make him a sandwich, he might stay a while. Especially if you tell him he can eat it off your ass.

They had one thing in common, they were good in bed
She'd say, 'Faster, faster--the lights are turnin' red."
Life in the fast lane. Surely make you lose your mind.

No good deed goes unpunished

Yesterday, as promised, I went to the store to pay for the item they mistakenly did not charge me for the day before. I picked up a few items, including another jug of canola oil. As I approached the checkouts, I scanned the cashiers and was happy to see that the very attractive one was working the express lane.

After I paid for everything, I said to her in a hushed voice "You're going to think I'm crazy, but yesterday I bought one of these (grabbing the oil) and they didn't scan it at all, so take this one back." She said "I do think you're crazy...you could have given it to me." At that point, I noticed the lady bagging her stuff ahead of me had slowed her actions and dropped her mouth open in apparent agreement with the cashier's assessment of my mental condition.

Smiling, I said (to the cashier) "The next time someone forgets to charge me for jewellery, I'll give it to you."

In retrospect, I think the girl in her early 20's would prefer to get oil from this 54 year old. Also, in retrospect, I never should have evoked conversation with the girl. Better to maintain the fantasy of a perfect female specimen than to shatter it by finding she's prone to dishonesty. And finally, in retrospect, the beautiful girl I used to have a "pleasant" customer/employee relationship with, now thinks I'm an old weirdo. At least I can sleep well at night. Alone, but well. I don't think that Karma sh*t works.

Supermarket outlaws

Yesterday, I was at the supermarket check-out line and I noticed that the woman in front of me had eight 24-can cases of coke in her shopping cart. In fact, that's all she had in it. Moments later, a man whom I presume was her husband, brought an empty cart and they transferred four of the cases from her cart to his. Then, they proceeded to nonchalantly and while chattering, pay separately for the soda. In fact, it turns out he was a little short of cash and she provided the needed funds.

The reason was clear, but to verify it, when I got home, I checked the flyer from the store that gets delivered to my door each week (the flyer gets delivered, not the store) and sure enough, the pop was on sale and there was a limit of four cases per family.

Now, not only did they clearly violate the terms of the sale, they also thought nothing of the husband butting in line. Of course, neither offence was serious enough to end in a lynching, though it might have had a deterrent effect not only on those two culprits but also on other would-be supermarket rule violators.

I don't generally call people out on immoral behaviour, but I have on occasion, and I'm feeling sorry today that I didn't that time. Bothersome also, is the fact that the check-out girl never batted an eye during the proceedings. I think she should have lost her badge or at least forced to clean up aisle five for a week or so.

I wonder if people would be as quick to break with store rules if there were a gallows with two dummies hanging from it in the centre of every supermarket with a sign that reads "THEY VIOLATED THE LIMIT OF FOUR PER FAMILY PURCHASE RULE". Or perhaps a man on a cross--I don't mean as a threat to be crucified, but as a reminder to be decent for Christ's sake. Well, either way.

Global warming

I was standing at the supermarket checkout yesterday and they had a a small ad taped to the scale where it is just below the height of most people's chin. It was hard not to notice it. It was a plea for charity. Specifically, it said "Could you still ignore it if it were this obvious?" Below that, was a picture of a sad looking boy of perhaps eight years old sporting a t-shirt which read "I'm Hungry". Apparently, I could not and I reached into my pocket and gave the requested Toonie (Canadian $2 coin) to the cashier.

Before I had advanced to the point of the sign, I had noticed that the girl in the queue ahead of me was buying quite a few tins of cat food, and it sparked the affection I will always hold for felines since I had 13 beautiful years with my own cat before I had to put him down due to health problems. Anyway, as I started to put my items into my eco sac, I noticed a cat food tin, so I quickly looked up and out the door and could see the girl who bought them, and gathering up my stuff, I rushed out and caught up with her as she was getting into her car. I handed over the tin and as she thanked me, I told her we can't have hungry cats meowing all over the countryside.

As I continued on my way home (walking distance from the store), I noticed that despite the nip in the October air, the two events left me feeling a little warmer than I was on my way to the store. I would like to take this opportunity to challenge you all to go out of your way in the next day or two and perform a random act of kindness, no matter how small. This kind of global warming is good for the planet.