Inspired by a true event

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Just a bit too obvious

Oprah Tweets how much she loves the Microsoft Surface tablet...from her Apple iPad. One wonders how much Microsoft paid her to say so...and how pissed Microsoft is at her...and how hysterical Apple is at the whole shenanigan.

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My gal said this to me...

...about an hour ago, but I thought it sounded more appropriate in this context:

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Q & A's from around the web

IM in love with my girlfriend so much is there away i can show her how much i love her

Im 13 but dont under estimate me. My boyfriend took me out to the mall and said, "pick a store, any store than pick whatever you want. I don't care how much it costs." and remember this is all at the age of 13. Do something like what my bf did.

Isn't it nice to know that even at the tender age of 13, some youngsters are already so knowledgeable in the ways of love that they know how to buy someone's affection (or sell theirs)? Just heartwarming, isn't it? Judging by the grammar, too many young people are spending more time at the mall than at school.


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Romance is in the air

I was perusing vacation deals and came across the following review for a hotel in Cuba:

The hotel location is not good. There is lot of noise of cocks and cars. But with this price, I think that is good enough.

Now, I know that some women can be loud during moments of intimacy, but for a man to make "lot of noise" with his er, um, equipment, one can only assume that it must be heavy equipment. Perhaps it's fitted to give off that warning sound each time he backs up. I can see how that might be a bit disconcerting. You could be fearful a truck is backing up right into your room.

The review.

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Poker room chat

Three guys (Sweet Elias is a male) vying for the affections of a young woman (Alma) in a play money poker room...

Sean Stevens: hi sweetheart love u so much
Vinny Marino: I must have come to the dating site by mistake.
Sweet elias A: hi
C Alma Zaldivar: hi sweety
Sweet elias A: h r u ?
C Alma Zaldivar: im f9 and u
Sweet elias A: me to thax
C Alma Zaldivar: ty fot the comments u send me
Sweet elias A: always welcome
Sweet elias A: ty
Sean Stevens: flower for my lovely woman
Sweet elias A: nice
Jimmy Clarck: hi babe
Sean Stevens: back off clarck
Jimmy Clarck: our dog is here
Jimmy Clarck: hi Sean
Jimmy Clarck: plz Sean
Jimmy Clarck: can you bark little
Sean Stevens: now ur the dog who follow us
C Alma Zaldivar: shut up both of u
Jimmy Clarck: follow us?
Jimmy Clarck: ****
Sean Stevens: as u say sweetheart
Jimmy Clarck: she will not answer you
Jimmy Clarck: she ignore you
Jimmy Clarck: hunnie
Sean Stevens: she ask me not to talk to u bastered
Jimmy Clarck: is it right babe???
Jimmy Clarck: answer this shi t dog
C Alma Zaldivar: i said stop fighting like animals infront of others
Jimmy Clarck: is it right?
Jimmy Clarck: did you say this?
C Alma Zaldivar: i said to shut up both of u


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Is it possible to dislike Beatles music?

The recent release of the new Beatles electronic game (and subsequent remastered works) has brought out the Beatles haters in force. I have always wondered how--no, more like questioned, whether someone can genuinely not like their music. I have explored this question from every angle I can think of...and have not yet found a plausible case for disliking the genre. I call it "genre" because it is a body of work large enough and different enough to warrant it.

And that brings me to my conclusion that it is not possible to hate Beatles music. I will concede that with a mild brain defect, it is fathomable that one may dislike many of the tunes the Fab Four produced. After all, some people don't like steak. Others still, don't like lobster. Therein lies the rub and the crux of my argument. The Beatles "buffet" consists of not only juicy steak and succulent lobster, but also lasagna, cherries, ice cream, cheesecake and several other recipes I can't put my finger on at the moment.

You tell me, dear reader, how anyone cannot find something to enjoy in that array. From She Loves You to Twist and Shout to Sgt. Pepper to Something to Back in the USSR to Long and Winding Road to--I'd better stop myself here or I might name every one of their songs. Their music spans much of the universe of sound. From the child-like tunes to the amazingly crafted ones, there's something for every taste. To continue the gastronomic metaphor, to say you don't like Beatles music is like saying "I don't like food".

So, to those who insist they hate the Beatles, I can only feel sorry for you...just as I feel sorry for those who suffer from anorexia...or mental illness.

Life in the fast lane

I glanced over at the magazine rack at the supermarket, yesterday, and on the cover of the latest issue of Cosmo, is the following:

Sex that brings you closer:
These moves will light a bonfire in his pants...and in his heart.

And:

What guys want after sex.

My reaction to the first storyline is that I'm getting a sense of why young people seem more confused than at any time in history about the difference between love and sex. I am by no stretch of the imagination a prude--never have been, but in my humble opinion, sex, no matter how great, can never have the lasting and cementing effect that love can on two souls. In fact, I would go so far as to say that spectacular sex early in a relationship seems to have the opposite effect. I'm not sure why--I've never thought to analyze it, but my personal and friends' experiences seem to bear this out.

You've probably heard someone say "All we have in common is great sex." It's doubtful you've ever heard anyone complain "All we have in common is a tremendous love for one another."

This is not to say that you can't have both, but great sex more often follows falling in love than the other way around. Just to clarify, if someone is after no-strings great sex, that's their business. What I'm saying is that I believe magazines like Cosmo are leading naive people into believing that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his pants. I think following such advice will only lead to eventual heartache and pain...even if there are a few mind-blowing orgasms along the way.

As far as the second storyline goes, I thought it was pretty clear to just about everyone over 16 what guys want after sex: to get away from the girl as quickly and as far as possible. Of course, I didn't open the magazine to read the article, but if it contradicts this in any way, it's B.S. There is one caveat to this rule, however. Girls, if you offer to make him a sandwich, he might stay a while. Especially if you tell him he can eat it off your ass.

They had one thing in common, they were good in bed
She'd say, 'Faster, faster--the lights are turnin' red."
Life in the fast lane. Surely make you lose your mind.

Memories of Sam

We had always thought our cat Sam to be stupid. I'm not sure how he rated compared to other felines since we never had another cat and have never known any others intimately. He just seemed pretty dumb. However, he did have flashes of brilliance. Many years ago, we found that if we hung a rubber band over a (toggle type) light switch, he would jump up and pull it down, and in the process, the light turned off. It was impressive to our guests when we demonstrated this trick as I shouted "Turn off the light, Sam", especially if they didn't notice the rubber band I had placed there ahead of time.

Another thing he did, was close the cupboard door by pushing it with his head after I had poured his food and then put the food bag back in the cupboard. He would only do this if I poured the food into his dish on the counter. If I tried the operation on the floor, a tank couldn't keep him from getting at the food in the dish. He just started doing it all by himself. Occasionally, he didn't do it but if I moved the cupboard door, he'd get the idea and push it closed with his head.

Not long before I had to put him down for health reasons (his not mine), I taught him something else. He used to try and get at his food dish so fast as I was placing it on the floor that sometimes he caused me to spill water onto the floor. To avoid this, I would push down on his back, forcing him to lay down about 18 inches from his "dining area" and I shouted "Stay!". He would usually stay there until I placed the dish down and gave him the order and motioned to "Go!". It sounds sick and cruel, but sometimes, just for fun, I made him stay there for 20 seconds or longer, repeating "Stay!" whenever he started to make a move for the dish. :)

In the end, I got much too used to him. He was such a long-time and close friend that it was like he was human. Once, while on the computer (me, not him), there came a noise from another room. He was laying behind me on the bed where he usually was when I was at the keyboard. I turned to look at him and without thinking, I said "Go and see what that noise is".

More evidence of my lunacy: I put water on the burner and came back to my PC while it was heating up. I suddenly realized that I had left it too long and as I made a dash for the kitchen, I noticed him laying in the hall. As I stepped over him, I angrily said "Why didn't you remind me I had water on the burner?".

RIP, Sam.

Woman faces charge after dishwashing dispute

FORT WORTH, Texas – Police say a 20-year-old woman faces an aggravated assault charge after she bit her boyfriend, broke a picture frame across his face and swung at him with a sword during an argument about him not doing the dishes.

The woman was arrested Thursday afternoon at the couple's apartment, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported on its Web site.

The 21-year-old man told police that he became involved in an argument because the woman was upset that the dishes were not clean. Police Lt. Paul Henderson said the woman told the man to leave the apartment, but he refused.

Henderson said the woman then tried to physically remove the man. During the ensuing struggle, the woman bit the man's right shoulder and broke a picture frame across his face, causing visible cuts, Henderson said.

The woman then grabbed an approximately 2-foot sword and swung it at him, but missed, police said.

The woman was released from a Mansfield jail after posting a $10,000 bond, jail officials said.

Henderson said the man and woman had lived together for four months.

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I wondered as I read the above:

1. Were the subjects wistfully gazing into each other's eyes, professing their undying love mere weeks before this incident? Days?

2. Shortly after they met had they confided in each other that they believed they had found their soul mate?

3. Did their hearts pound in unison when they decided to move in together?

4. Did they last week tell everyone they knew that they had just got engaged?

5. Would they be getting back together like the incident was nothing at all to be concerned about and say they still love each other?

6. Will the police arrive next time to a body?

7. If they don't resume their relationship, will someone new fall madly in love with the psycho bitch?

8. What does she do if the laundry isn't done?

Q & A's from around the web

Why cant i find the guy that dosent care about how big you are?

Just be patient and when the time is right he will show up. You'll be happier in the end

You'll be happier in both ends.