How can i get my fat hog of a girlfriend to lose weight before i dump her enormous behind?
If you cannot have sex anymore because you cannot get it up because of her size, that is not your fault. So when she finally asks "Why are we not having sex anymore?" tell her the truth. She will put the cheeseburger down and do something about it.
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Q & A's from around the web
I saw a picture of my ex wife and she's as big as a house? I kind of feel sorry for her but part of me says her new husband deserves her the way she is now. Is it childish for me to think this?
A little. At least you don't wish her to get hit by a fricken train. I'm just sayin'.
It's quite common to feel that way if you parted on bad terms. Send her a letter. Ask her if she's been zoned as a separate address.
I think you're missing the point here. She's as big as a house? Maybe you should try to get back together with her. Install some big windows in the front. Improve the insulation and get central air conditioning. Add a fireplace. Maybe a nice patio. You could fix her up and have free shelter, or maybe even sell her for a profit. Now's the time to buy before property values go up again.
A little. At least you don't wish her to get hit by a fricken train. I'm just sayin'.
It's quite common to feel that way if you parted on bad terms. Send her a letter. Ask her if she's been zoned as a separate address.
I think you're missing the point here. She's as big as a house? Maybe you should try to get back together with her. Install some big windows in the front. Improve the insulation and get central air conditioning. Add a fireplace. Maybe a nice patio. You could fix her up and have free shelter, or maybe even sell her for a profit. Now's the time to buy before property values go up again.
Monday, 17 August 2009
It's now official
The world has exhausted all possible aspects of creativity. There are no more good songs, movies, novels or TV shows being produced. The last nail in the coffin of novelty as we know it came in the form of a TV program.
While engaging in an evermore act of futility, namely surfing the breadth of the cable TV offerings, I came across a familiar face. It was the mug of Steve Davis. For those of you who are not familiar with Steve, or his visage, he was one of the best snooker players ever to poke balls with a stick.
You'll notice that I said was. You can guess that this day saw Steve without his trusty tool of the trade. What was Steve doing on TV, today, you ask? He was playing poker. And why do you suppose he was playing poker? Because having won world championships in snooker multiple times, he was looking for new challenges? I doubt it.
I did not rest on the particular channel very long, but I was there just long enough to learn that at least one of his opponents was also previously a successful snooker player. This leads me to believe that this was the theme of the program: washed-up-pool-players-who need-money-and-will-do-anything-to-make-rent.
Don't get me wrong. I am a big fan of both billiards and poker, but having watched every conceivable angle of poker on TV, little of it exciting, you have to draw the line somewhere. What's next? Danny Bonaduce and Shirley Jones square off in a wild game of strip poker? Was that the sound of your lunch hitting your keyboard?
Are you sitting down? The above scenario is not beyond what someone would think to put on TV. You see, Ms. Shirley Jones, aka the wholesome Mrs. Partridge of The Partridge Family fame, is about to "bare all" in an upcoming issue of Playboy. Did I mention that the old bird is 75 years old?
New York Post story.
While engaging in an evermore act of futility, namely surfing the breadth of the cable TV offerings, I came across a familiar face. It was the mug of Steve Davis. For those of you who are not familiar with Steve, or his visage, he was one of the best snooker players ever to poke balls with a stick.
You'll notice that I said was. You can guess that this day saw Steve without his trusty tool of the trade. What was Steve doing on TV, today, you ask? He was playing poker. And why do you suppose he was playing poker? Because having won world championships in snooker multiple times, he was looking for new challenges? I doubt it.
I did not rest on the particular channel very long, but I was there just long enough to learn that at least one of his opponents was also previously a successful snooker player. This leads me to believe that this was the theme of the program: washed-up-pool-players-who need-money-and-will-do-anything-to-make-rent.
Don't get me wrong. I am a big fan of both billiards and poker, but having watched every conceivable angle of poker on TV, little of it exciting, you have to draw the line somewhere. What's next? Danny Bonaduce and Shirley Jones square off in a wild game of strip poker? Was that the sound of your lunch hitting your keyboard?
Are you sitting down? The above scenario is not beyond what someone would think to put on TV. You see, Ms. Shirley Jones, aka the wholesome Mrs. Partridge of The Partridge Family fame, is about to "bare all" in an upcoming issue of Playboy. Did I mention that the old bird is 75 years old?
New York Post story.
Sunday, 16 August 2009
Friday, 14 August 2009
Crasher Squirrel
A cheeky squirrel in Alberta's Banff National Park has gone viral after stealing the spotlight in a tourist's photo.
Melissa Brandts, who was visiting from Minnesota, had set up her camera on a tripod to capture her and her husband, Jackson, in front of picturesque Lake Minnewanka in May.
"We had our camera set up on some rocks and were getting ready to take the picture when this curious little ground squirrel appeared, became intrigued with the sound of the focusing camera and popped right into our shot!" she wrote.
The ground squirrel became the focus of the picture as the couple faded into the background.
"A once in a lifetime moment! We were laughing about this little guy for days!" wrote his wife.
The couple submitted the photo to a National Geographic contest. The magazine posted it to an online gallery on Aug. 7.
In less than a week, the Crasher Squirrel, as it's become known, has stormed the internet. Photoshop enthusiasts have added the furry scene-stealer to family portraits, famous paintings, and even to the top of the Queen's hat with a pile of nuts.
The Crasher Squirrel upstages former U.S. president Bill Clinton and North Korean President Kim Jong Il with other government officials. (David Morgan/CBC)
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