Tax the stupid

Since there's never been any agreement on who should pay how much tax, I'm going to resolve the issue right here.

Yesterday, I was at the mall and I walked over to a "garbage bin" to discard a coffee cup. There were three separate containers for three types of garbage. I gazed into the "Glass and Plastic Bottles" bin, which was almost half full and was quite surprised to see not a single glass or plastic bottle in it. Instead, there was all kinds of paper, coffee cups, food wrappers, etc. I can understand that a lazy and or stupid person, or perhaps a mentally handicapped person might place an item in the wrong hole, but I have trouble believing that everyone at the mall that day was there to undergo rehabilitation for a severe brain injury.

Anyway, I thought how nice it would be if we had Garbage Police to take names and tax the living crap out of these ignorant slobs. A side benefit would be that it would lower the taxes of the rest of us.

Q & A's from around the web

How can i get my fat hog of a girlfriend to lose weight before i dump her enormous behind?

If you cannot have sex anymore because you cannot get it up because of her size, that is not your fault. So when she finally asks "Why are we not having sex anymore?" tell her the truth. She will put the cheeseburger down and do something about it.

Q & A's from around the web

I saw a picture of my ex wife and she's as big as a house? I kind of feel sorry for her but part of me says her new husband deserves her the way she is now. Is it childish for me to think this?

A little. At least you don't wish her to get hit by a fricken train. I'm just sayin'.

It's quite common to feel that way if you parted on bad terms. Send her a letter. Ask her if she's been zoned as a separate address.

I think you're missing the point here. She's as big as a house? Maybe you should try to get back together with her. Install some big windows in the front. Improve the insulation and get central air conditioning. Add a fireplace. Maybe a nice patio. You could fix her up and have free shelter, or maybe even sell her for a profit. Now's the time to buy before property values go up again.

It's now official

The world has exhausted all possible aspects of creativity. There are no more good songs, movies, novels or TV shows being produced. The last nail in the coffin of novelty as we know it came in the form of a TV program.

While engaging in an evermore act of futility, namely surfing the breadth of the cable TV offerings, I came across a familiar face. It was the mug of Steve Davis. For those of you who are not familiar with Steve, or his visage, he was one of the best snooker players ever to poke balls with a stick.

You'll notice that I said was. You can guess that this day saw Steve without his trusty tool of the trade. What was Steve doing on TV, today, you ask? He was playing poker. And why do you suppose he was playing poker? Because having won world championships in snooker multiple times, he was looking for new challenges? I doubt it.

I did not rest on the particular channel very long, but I was there just long enough to learn that at least one of his opponents was also previously a successful snooker player. This leads me to believe that this was the theme of the program: washed-up-pool-players-who need-money-and-will-do-anything-to-make-rent.

Don't get me wrong. I am a big fan of both billiards and poker, but having watched every conceivable angle of poker on TV, little of it exciting, you have to draw the line somewhere. What's next? Danny Bonaduce and Shirley Jones square off in a wild game of strip poker? Was that the sound of your lunch hitting your keyboard?

Are you sitting down? The above scenario is not beyond what someone would think to put on TV. You see, Ms. Shirley Jones, aka the wholesome Mrs. Partridge of The Partridge Family fame, is about to "bare all" in an upcoming issue of Playboy. Did I mention that the old bird is 75 years old?



New York Post story.

On a more serious note...

glumbert - I Bet You Didn't Know This About Chickens