Funnier then werds

Let's face it--English is butchered every second of every day on iPhones, Blackberries and the internet. But, every once in a while, I come across some spelling or grammar that demands special mention. I just saw the following...

when i get through with them they minus well die

The context indicates that this person meant to say "they might as well die". I'm guessing she also failed math.

Canadian humour

An RCMP officer stops at a ranch up in Iron Mountain, B.C. and talks with

the old ranch owner.

He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown

drugs.'

The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'

The RCMP officer verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of

the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and

removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See

this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish..on any

land. No questions asked or

answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'

The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the RCMP officer

running for his life and close behind is the rancher's bull.. With every

step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The officer is clearly

terrified.

The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and

yells at the top of his lungs.....'Your badge! Show him your f***ing

badge!'

Q & A's from around the web

Are there any biochemistry test that can differentiate human blood and blood from other species?

They can tell anything and everything from blood. They can tell if the owner/doner is left handed and has a coin collection.

What's wrong with people?

For about the last 7 years, I had been going to a particular gas station regularly. On most occasions, I only put in $20 worth of gas. Unless I'm planning a long trip, this is my modus operandi. When pumping gas, I tend to stop the pump a cent or two before the amount I want, just to make sure I don't go over. Recently, for the first time in at least fifteen years, I wasn't paying close attention and I stopped the pump at $20.04.

I went in to pay, pulled out a stack of 20's, having just gone to the bank, handed the clerk, which I knew to be a partner in the business, $20 and asked him if he wanted the four cents. To my surprise, he said "Yes, please". He did not say, "If you have the change", or "Pay me next time" or any other reasonable thing one might expect from a clerk speaking to a long-time customer. Taken aback, I was left dumbfounded. I knew I didn't have any change, so I peeled off a $20 bill and handed it to him. He willingly gave me $19.96 change rather than opt for any other arrangement.

That was several months ago. Since then, I have avoided going to that particular gas station. The man's actions cost him one of his best customers--over four cents. An amount that I had over my many purchases given him far more than. He has lost my business forever.

Biker Bar Barbie