Close Encounters of the unwanted kind

How come there's a national "Do not call" list designed to keep annoying telephone calls from disturbing the peace and sanctity of our personal space, and spam blockers designed to allow us to keep billions of unwanted e-mails from destroying our time and sanity, but there's nothing to stem the tide of unsolicited junk mail cluttering up our cherished bills, parking tickets and notices of jury duty?

Why is it legal for someone to send me as much crap as they can afford to send and I am obligated under threat of being taken away by armed agents of the government, to accept it all? Isn't it about time that in the name of the environment, not to mention in the name of Vinny, that a national "Do not send" list is established?

Virtually every business day of the year, I receive about three pieces of junk mail. I never spend more than the time it takes to pick it up and deliver it to my recycling bag, reading any of it. Yes, it's good that it is recycled (I hope you all do, too), but there is a large cost involved in the life cycle of printed matter.

And while I'm coming up with ideas for this wish list, can someone please come up with a "Do not encounter" list for cell phones? You know, you populate your cellphone with the names--phone numbers, I guess, of people you'd least like to run into, say, your ex-wife who took you to the cleaners and would frisk you for more in a chance encounter, the guy you borrowed $50 from a month ago that you were supposed to pay back three weeks ago, Uncle Leo, etc., and through the magic of GPS, keeps them at bay. Perhaps for a small additional monthly fee, the phone will direct you to the nearest and best hiding place when someone from your DNE list is dangerously near.

A light bulb just went off--or is it "went on"? Funny that we say an alarm went off when it really went on. Anyway, on this same theme...ya know what? This post is long enough. If your attention span is as short as mine, you stopped reading after the first paragraph. I'll describe my brilliant idea in another post, tomorrow. Be sure to stop by. I'll be serving free coffee and Danish.