Life in the fast lane

I glanced over at the magazine rack at the supermarket, yesterday, and on the cover of the latest issue of Cosmo, is the following:

Sex that brings you closer:
These moves will light a bonfire in his pants...and in his heart.

And:

What guys want after sex.

My reaction to the first storyline is that I'm getting a sense of why young people seem more confused than at any time in history about the difference between love and sex. I am by no stretch of the imagination a prude--never have been, but in my humble opinion, sex, no matter how great, can never have the lasting and cementing effect that love can on two souls. In fact, I would go so far as to say that spectacular sex early in a relationship seems to have the opposite effect. I'm not sure why--I've never thought to analyze it, but my personal and friends' experiences seem to bear this out.

You've probably heard someone say "All we have in common is great sex." It's doubtful you've ever heard anyone complain "All we have in common is a tremendous love for one another."

This is not to say that you can't have both, but great sex more often follows falling in love than the other way around. Just to clarify, if someone is after no-strings great sex, that's their business. What I'm saying is that I believe magazines like Cosmo are leading naive people into believing that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his pants. I think following such advice will only lead to eventual heartache and pain...even if there are a few mind-blowing orgasms along the way.

As far as the second storyline goes, I thought it was pretty clear to just about everyone over 16 what guys want after sex: to get away from the girl as quickly and as far as possible. Of course, I didn't open the magazine to read the article, but if it contradicts this in any way, it's B.S. There is one caveat to this rule, however. Girls, if you offer to make him a sandwich, he might stay a while. Especially if you tell him he can eat it off your ass.

They had one thing in common, they were good in bed
She'd say, 'Faster, faster--the lights are turnin' red."
Life in the fast lane. Surely make you lose your mind.

No good deed goes unpunished

Yesterday, as promised, I went to the store to pay for the item they mistakenly did not charge me for the day before. I picked up a few items, including another jug of canola oil. As I approached the checkouts, I scanned the cashiers and was happy to see that the very attractive one was working the express lane.

After I paid for everything, I said to her in a hushed voice "You're going to think I'm crazy, but yesterday I bought one of these (grabbing the oil) and they didn't scan it at all, so take this one back." She said "I do think you're crazy...you could have given it to me." At that point, I noticed the lady bagging her stuff ahead of me had slowed her actions and dropped her mouth open in apparent agreement with the cashier's assessment of my mental condition.

Smiling, I said (to the cashier) "The next time someone forgets to charge me for jewellery, I'll give it to you."

In retrospect, I think the girl in her early 20's would prefer to get oil from this 54 year old. Also, in retrospect, I never should have evoked conversation with the girl. Better to maintain the fantasy of a perfect female specimen than to shatter it by finding she's prone to dishonesty. And finally, in retrospect, the beautiful girl I used to have a "pleasant" customer/employee relationship with, now thinks I'm an old weirdo. At least I can sleep well at night. Alone, but well. I don't think that Karma sh*t works.

What would you do?

Yesterday, I was at the checkout of a supermarket and as usual, I did a quick guesstimate of the cost of my items so that I can get the appropriate amount of money out of my pocket. I had $15 in my hand but was surprised when I was asked for only seven dollars and change. I didn't think much of it since I have often been surprised by how inexpensive things are at this particular store.

When I got home, it occurred to me that $7.xx couldn't possibly have been correct. I looked at my receipt and sure enough, the 2-litre jug of canola oil had not been scanned at all. I hadn't paid much attention to the price on the shelf, but it must be in the $5 range. It took me about ten seconds to decide to go back (today) and pay for it.

Let me assure you that I am not well-off. In fact...I'd rather not go there. Suffice to say, an extra $5 in my pocket would be very welcome, even if it wouldn't have much company in there. It would certainly mean more to me than to that supermarket. Regardless, I will pay for the item.

That's the kind of guy I am; the kind of guy I've always been. And even though I've gotten screwed many times in my life, sometimes by people, and even institutions for that matter, I don't know how else to be. Truth be told, I did some rather unsavoury things in my youth and perhaps a few small indiscretions as an adult, although none come immediately to mind, but they have always weighed heavily on me. Just the thought of being dishonest bothers me.

I have been called crazy more than a few times by people who had encouraged me to take advantage when such opportunities presented themselves and I declined. In a few instances, taking the high road has cost me very dearly. Reflecting on those times, I am resentful for having been taken advantage of. But I harbour resentment at the people and institutions that perpetrated it, not at myself for leaving myself open to it. Sadly, I'm afraid I might do it the same way, again. Gladly, it's virtually impossible for such circumstances to reoccur.

Rather than leave this post on a dour note...

How much do wish to withdraw?

A Raleigh, North Carolina woman who left $400 in her bedroom last Friday that she had planned to deposit the next day, found it was missing. The only thing she could think of was that her two-year-old dog had eaten it. When she took the dog out for a walk on Saturday, she saw bits of the bills in the dogs "leavings". She washed them off with a hose and found parts of three $100 bills and five $20's. She said she hoped to find enough pieces to exchange them for cash.

I've heard of the goose that laid golden eggs, but this is ridiculous.

Augie, the canine ATM:

Q & A's from around the web

I hooked up with this girl from a party last week, and we started to sleep on the same bed. Since we don't know each other very well, we haven't had real "sex" yet. But we had hours of deep intense kissing, and body rubbing with underwears on. Is this a safe way to pleasure?

If you want to be 100% sure it is safe, viedotape a session and send it to me for careful analysis.