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I'm a father!

Since I no longer have a vegetable garden (it stayed with the house and my ex-wife), I bought a single tomato plant for my apartment, mostly for company. Having been an outdoor farmer all my life, it never occurred to me that tomato plants require pollination in order to sprout tomatoes. When it finally dawned on me, more than a dozen flowers had appeared only to wither away "childless".

I carefully formed a paper towel (I wasn't about to buy a whole box of Q-tips for any plant) into a point and "sexed" the few remaining open flowers. I did this once a day for about four days. It was looking pretty futile and I thought I had missed the window of opportunity, the flowers having already reached menopause and unable to bear fruit.

I waited a couple more days to see if I could avoid having to put the plant out of my misery. Yesterday morning, right after I got up, I went to check out the barren plant. I gave it the once over and was about to take it away to destroy it when I thought I saw something. I took a closer look.

It was hiding behind the flower, almost indiscernible, but there it was--a tomato! I was the proud father of a bead-sized tomato. There was much rejoicing last night. As many as one beer were drunk. And if that weren't enough to make my year, today, the lil feller is already almost marble-sized. But that's still not all--he has a little brother!

Sure, between the plant, the new pot and the soil, these two tomatoes have cost me about $6.50 apiece, but buying a couple of tomatoes in the store for fifty cents just doesn't give you the thrill that fatherhood does.

Q & A's from around the web

i have a boyfriend we have been going outa month and a few weeks?
but my bestfriend has a boyfirnd 2 and i think i like her boyfriend more than my own but its not jelousy its just thati like her boyfriend more and like mi boyfrined and her boyfriend and i flirt alot and she and mi boyfriend flirt alot and dont know it what do i do [p.s.i kno this is alot of drama =p]

Editor's note: Every answer besides mine gave serious relationship advice, including the suggestion that they switch boyfriends. I said...

I get the distinct feeling that you and your girlfriend should be playing with dolls, not boys.

(She chose my answer as the best and had this to say...)

ur probably right "i trust U" ahhahahhhaah lol dnt kno u but im only 12 so ur probably right

The Sound of Promise

Yesterday, I bought a watermelon. I never really appreciated this wonderful fruit. But in the first few moments that I was cutting this melon in half, the exquisiteness of it struck me. It came in the form of sound. That cracking sound you hear when the melon is so perfectly ripe that it seems like it's been deprived of air to breathe since it was a seed and now, finally makes a lovely gasp as it takes in the life-sustaining oxygen it has been waiting for. That sweet sound of promise. The promise of perfect "reddish" flesh--not exactly red and not really pink, either. It is some magical colour that nature seems to have reserved only for this delectable fruit. The colour, like the sound, holds the promise of sweet nectar suitable for even God. It is truly a magnificent food. Not a bad deal for $1.99 at Food Basics.

Dyke Photos

I happened across this site: http://www.iseldykephoto.com
I thought it might be a thinly veiled porn site for lesbians as the name sort of suggests "I sell dyke photos". Go ahead--click on the link. You know you want to.