Ramblings of a rambling man

It was a glorious day today and I decided to go for a nice, long walk. As I passed a neighbourhood car service centre, a large sign over the one service bay they had read "Free Courtesy Check". I chuckled as I wondered to myself what they would call a courtesy check that they charged you for.

About half way through my walk, as I approached a beer store, how could I not think of enjoying a delicious, cold beer on this very warm day when my brisk walking has made it a very hot day. I paused for a moment to weigh the fact that I would have to carry the beer all the way home, almost a mile away. It took two seconds for me to start toward the entrance.

Funny how advertising really does work. Lately, there's been a constant barrage of Corona TV commercials and I settled on picking up a six pack. No sooner was I out of the beer store when I regretted my choice. You see, Corona do not have twist-off caps and as I trudged along, I longed to pull out a beer and discreetly consume it as I made my way home while I gently sweat.

The next thing that entered my mind was that all this refreshing beverage I was carrying was going to make me warmer than I already was. I pondered...the faster I walk, the sooner I'll get home, the less warm the beer will get, the less time it will need in the fridge before I can enjoy one. Of course, walking so fast will make me much warmer than I already was.

At about this time, I thought what a great problem for physics students to solve: You're carrying a case of beer that weighs 7 pounds. The temperature of the beer is 40 degrees. You're 1 mile from home and the temperature is 80 degrees. What is the optimum speed for you to walk in order to balance heat exertion with the time to get home and restore the beer to 40 degrees, suitable for consuming?

As I neared my home, I spotted a guy walking his dog on the sidewalk approaching me. I couldn't tell for sure, but the animal appeared to be a pit bull. I could see that the guy had a tight hold of the leash because the dog was head-strong. I should say right now that I have always been afraid of dogs--at least large ones, anyway. As the distance between me and the great beast waned, I worried about what to do. I don't want to appear to be a wimp and walk way over on the boulevard, nor did I relish being some crazed mastiff's snack.

With only yards between us now, the young man almost imperceptibly applys sufficent force to the lead to cause the dog to gradually move to the side. I breathed a sigh of relief and kept my eyes straight not wanting to tip off my would-be assailant to the fear I was hiding. I was so relieved, I felt like thanking the guy for his courteous gesture.

Two minutes later, I arrived home in a bit of a sweat and put the beer in the fridge. I immediately started making dinner and when it was ready, so was the beer. I called my daughter in and extended her a free, courtesy beer.


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Shit my dad said...

When the family was huddled around the TV watching circus performers, gymnasts or figure skaters:

"Ha! You think they have to get up at 5 a.m. and work construction?"

As if anyone could perform a triple somersault on the flying trapeze if not for other commitments.


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BP spills coffee

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Here's something a little different...

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Q & A's from around the web

I'm a fat dude. Is it possible to get a skinny girl?

"to get" as in capture?


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