Indiana woman dies at 115 as world's oldest person

SHELBYVILLE, Ind. - Edna Parker, who became the world's oldest person more than a year ago, has died at age 115.

UCLA gerontologist Dr. Stephen Coles said Parker's great-nephew notified him that Parker died Wednesday at a nursing home in Shelbyville. She was 115 years, 220 days old, said Robert Young, a senior consultant for gerontology for Guinness World Records.

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The above sounds like something I could have made up, considering that the story came from Shelbyville, a fictional town next to The Simpsons' home town of Springfield, and the gerontologist bearing the same name as the actor (Robert Young) who played the lead in the TV series "Marcus Welby, M.D.", who himself lived to a ripe old age of 91, but I assure you the story is authentic.

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Parker outlived her two sons, Clifford and Earl Jr. She also had five grandchildren, 13 great-grandchildren and 13 great-great-grandchildren.

Parker taught in a two-room school in Shelby County for several years after graduating from Franklin College in 1911. She wed her childhood sweetheart and neighbor in 1913.

Coincidentally, Parker lived in the same nursing home as 7-foot-7 Sandy Allen, whom Guinness recognized as the world's tallest woman until her death in August.

News Story

Q & A's from around the web

How long should I let them go at it for? I put my male hamster with the female over an hour ago and they are still having sex. How much longer should I let them go for?

It depends. How much money did he put on her dresser?

Brilliant CSI's? I think not.

What's up with every location in every episode of CSI taking place in the dark? The CSI geniuses are smart enough to find a kidnapped person from a single clue of a wasp larva burnt to a crisp found in the wheel well of an abandoned car, but they're not smart enough to turn on the lights in their lab to examine evidence? The biggest item in the crime unit's budget must be for flashlight batteries. Gimme a break.

Q & A's from around the web

What can I use to discipline my wife that won't leave any scars or bruises?

Your tongue.

Ripped from the headlines

The Canadian Press

N.S. lobstermen told to stay clear of area near sunken, diesel-laden barge

November 24, 2008 6 p.m.

HALIFAX, N.S. — On the first day of the fall season for Atlantic Canada's biggest and most lucrative lobster fishery, federal officials warned Nova Scotia lobstermen to stay away from an area where a dredging barge carrying 70,000 litres of diesel sank in rough seas on the weekend.

An emergency response team confirmed Monday that surveillance flights spotted a long, narrow slick of some kind of oily substance about 15 metres wide and about 1,600 metres long.

Reporters aboard several news helicopters as well as small crafts that have made their way to the scene confirmed that the government's warning to lobstermen is being heeded as none of the creatures have been spotted near the wreck thus far.

File photo of lobsterman.

News item

ADT turns the lights off

Recently, I noticed an ADT TV commercial that has been playing very frequently. For anyone who doesn't know, ADT is one of the biggest and most respected security companies in North America. The reason I noticed this commercial is because in it, the announcer says "You can arm and disarm your home remotely and even turn on and off your lights". Now, you can call me a nit picker and I wouldn't object...so long as you don't do it by saying "Go home and pick them your nits".

Was this commercial translated from Japanese to English? Did none of the hundreds of people who read, saw, heard, were involved with or approved this commercial notice the glaring disjointed phrase? Perhaps the CEO's nine-year-old daughter wrote the copy.

I just decided to see how common this "flowery" phrase is. I got 121 hits on google for the exact phrase "turn on and off your lights". Well, it's nice to know that if ADT ever needs another ad writer, there's plenty of them out there who are up to its standards.

Ok, I'm leaving my keyboard now and going to turn it on my TV.

Listen to yo mama

As a card-carrying purebred Italian, I have always made my own pasta sauce from scratch. Last week, I either suffered a stroke or someone put a spell on me or something and I did a very uncharacteristic thing: I bought a jar of prepared sauce. My mom might disown me if she finds out. The relatives might stone me or shun me--ok, I'm alright with being shunned.

Let me explain. I had decided to try to reduce my grocery bill, so I started buying things that are on sale. Most of the items are things that I buy anyway--it's just that I have always bought them regardless of whether they were on sale or not. For the most part, it's been working out extremely well. Then I saw that I could pick up a jar of Ragu pasta sauce for $1, a fraction of what it costs me to make sauce from scratch--and without the work!

Long story short...it was little better than pouring ketchup on my spaghetti--yeccchhhh. Ragu puts the rag in Ragu. Even covering my bowl with a generous helping of Parmesan cheese wasn't enough to redeem the dish. Unfortunately, I am also Catholic and live by the rule that wasting food is a sin, so I had to suffer through three separate times eating the vile sauce. Mama mia!...was right again.

Q & A's from around the web

How is todays schooling different from 50 years ago ?

nothing different

Jews are considered humans now... anyone that notices them thieving is considered a racist.

They used to like, teach ya stuff, man.

they didn't go around killling each other and raping and having sex in school.

Q & A's from around the web

What is the difference between a pre-op and post-op transexual?

About six inches.

Mmm, mmm, good

If you ever wondered why kids' writing skills have been deteriorating for, well, quite frankly, decades, this blog entry may shed a little light on the situation. What follows is a letter copied verbatim that my daughter brought home from school about ten years ago. I just happened across it today and decided to post it. The teacher who wrote it committed an error in virtually each and every sentence in it, sometimes making three or four errors in a single sentence. In fact, she wastes no time in her assault on the English language by screwing up the salutation!

Parent and Guardians

The school council had become aware of another fund raiser that is no cost to you but could be a great benefit to the school.

Unlike the Kellogg’s fund raiser where it was for a short time span, this is one that continues over every year. Campbell’s food has a program that can benefit the school in many aspects. They ask us to collect soup labels (the entire label in GOOD condition). This includes all soup labels form Campbell’s, Chunky Soups, Classic Soups, Hearty Request, Half Fat, Special Selections, and Pepperidge Farms Goldfish Crackers snacks. This also includes their larger size can of 48 oz cans of soup.

The labels must be sent in by May 15, 1999, but we can continue to collect them to put them into out 1999/2000 year totals. We will be notified in early spring 1999 with details on how to register for the years 1999/2000 program. This program has been running 25 years in the U.S. and is now launched across Canada in the fall of 1998. The program runs from September to May every year with the labels’ count carried over to the next year.

With the help of friends, relatives and the school in whole we would be able to make a big dent in collecting the labels Here is some of the merchandise categories:
Computers, Sport & Equipment, Musical Instruments, Electronics, Videocassettes, CD-Roms, etc.

Please forward your entire label in good condition to the school so we can get started on a great fund raiser with nothing our of your pocket except the food you would put on your table.

If any questions please do not hesitate to call or talk to one of the school council representatives. Thank You for your support in helping your school get better for the sake of all the students in St. Stephen.

Sign of the times

I reported an issue to MickeySoft

...about their recent implementation of a new release of Windows Live Mail (hotmail). Here is my report followed by their response followed by my response to their response:

From : Vinny xxxxxx@hotmail.com
Sent : Sunday, November 09, 2008 1:28:25 AM UTC
To : LV_ML.WNLV.WW.00.EN.MSF.SEA.TS.T01.RTG.00.EM
Subject : Windows Live Mail:Other:Viewing Messages

Service :
Windows Live Mail

What type of problem do you have?
Other [Other]

Viewing Messages [Viewing Messages]

Be specific when describing your problem. The details that you include enable us to promptly send you the most likely solution to your issue.

"Check Mail" is no longer a function. Is there another way?

---

From: WEBCS.WLHM.00.00.EN.SYK.MNL.TS.T01.SPT.00.EM@css.one.microsoft.com
To: Vinny xxxxxx@hotmail.com
CC:
Subject: RE: SRX1084189647ID - Windows Live Mail:Other:Viewing Messages
Date: Wed, 12 Nov 2008 04:00:19 -0800

Hello Vinny,

Thank you for writing to Windows Live Hotmail Technical Support. My name is Anna and I apologize for the delay in responding to your e-mail. I gather that you no longer have the Check Mail function. I understand the importance of this matter to you.

Windows Live Hotmail has just released a new version to provide better user experience. Check Mail function was removed. We understand this change may have come as a surprise to you, but we strongly feel you will soon have a much better experience with the new Windows Live Hotmail. As always, your satisfaction is our main goal.

To learn more about the new features and benefits of Windows Live Hotmail, please visit:

http://www.windowslive-hotmail.com/comingsoon/en-us/default.htm

We recognize that a change like this can feel unexpected and surprising, and we are eager to hear your feedback (both positive and negative) about the auto-upgrade process.

To send your feedback:

1. Please go to http://feedback.live.com/eform.aspx?productkey=wlmail&page=wlfeedback_home_form
2. Select the first option in the drop-down list, "I want to provide feedback on the automatic update to Windows Live Hotmail."

or click on the help icon "?" and choose "Feedback" on the upper right side of the page.

You are valuable at Windows Live and we look forward to provide you with consistent and effective service. We appreciate your input and involvement in our Windows Live products.

Sincerely,

Anna P.
Windows Live Hotmail Technical Support

---

Hello Anna,

Thank you for writing to me. My name is Vinny and I apologize for the delay in responding to your e-mail. I gather that you are aware that I no longer have the "Check Mail" function. I don't believe you understand the importance of this matter to me.

I understand that Windows Live Hotmail has just released a new version to provide better user experience. "Check Mail" function was removed. You understand this change came as a surprise to me, and while I strongly feel I will soon have a much better experience with the new Windows Live Hotmail, I also strongly feel I will miss the "Check Mail" function. If, as always, my satisfaction is your main goal, you would either explain how I can accomplish the same function, as my e-mail asked or else take steps to re-introduce the function.

I have learned more about the new features and benefits of Windows Live Hotmail, at:

http://www.windowslive-hotmail.com/comingsoon/en-us/default.htm
but it doesn't address the removal of the "Check Mail" function.

The change was unexpected and surprising, and I am eager to hear your feedback (both positive and negative) about the auto-upgrade process that removes a popular function without warning.

You are not so valuable at Windows Live since you did not answer my question on how to accomplish the function in the new version of Windows Live Mail but I look forward to you providing me with inconsistent but hopefully, occasional effective service. If you appreciate my input and involvement in Windows Live products, please respond with useful information.

Sincerely,

Vinny M.
Windows Live Hotmail user

The psychosis of corporations

For anyone who still had a modicum of respect for the institution of corporations, guess what Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley are doing with the $10 billion of American taxpayer bail-out money. What else? They are giving out $12 billion in year-end bonuses, mostly to executives, of course, who have done a fine job taking them to the brink of bankruptcy. Oy.

Their reasons for the bonuses are further testament to the depth of their mental malady. According to them, the purpose of the bonuses is to retain "the talent". The same "talent" that nearly put the company under. The powers that be are so clueless that they don't know that if "the talent" leaves over being disgruntled over a lack of a bonus this year, that 1) they are spared the expense of a possible severance package should they need to cull the herd and 2) that this is an employer's market where they can re-hire better talent and for less compensation. Duh.

Always think of your health

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Someone I know who is retired recently related this story:

The other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about five minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi". He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a "doughnut-eating Gestapo". He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Obama in '08 ". I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.

Whose side is God on?

I stopped on a religious channel where an American soldier was recounting his experiences in Iraq. Several times he explained how he kept asking God to show that He was on his side. It seemed bizarre and incongruent that a believer should call on God while he is directing his tank to bombard the hell out of people across the river.

It made me think of the old expression "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition". Certainly anyone uttering this phrase sees the irony in it. Was the soldier's tale any different? How different was his situation from the enemy combatants possibly shouting "Allah is great!"?

I can understand a person defending his life with deadly force if he were in immediate danger. I cannot comprehend someone going half way around the world with the express purpose of killing people and then invoking God's name for his protection or even His help in killing other human beings.

Q & A's from around the web

In what ways do you worship George W Bush?

As a human reflection of Dionysus, the god of drunkeness and tomfoolery

i cry out his name while having problematic bowel movements

Ripped from the headlines

Portland Tribune - Fort McMurray, Alberta

A man has been charged with marijuana possession and cruelty to animals in an unusual case in this sleepy Canadian town. Fred Ketchup will be arraigned in court on Monday after police received a call about the suspicious death of a beaver.

A man walking along a ravine came upon the remains of the animal. The scene appeared suspicious and police were summoned. While authorities were investigating, incredibly, Mr. Ketchup, whose property backs onto the ravine, appeared at his back fence nonchalantly smoking a joint.

Police smelled the pot and went to speak with Fred. After a few minutes he was taken into custody and driven to the station where he allegedly confessed that he had stashed a bag of marijuana at the foot of a tree by the ravine.

Police released this photo as a warning to area beavers of the dangers of marijuana.

Q & A's from around the web

Atheists, do you find it condescending when christians say to you "I will pray for you"?

Absolutely. Those kind of people are no better than box-cutting wielding maniacs who crash airplanes into office buildings.

I usually respond with "I will think for you."

Q & A's from around the web

Is it legal to send/transmit one-way signals to space?

Just out of curiosity, are you wearing a tinfoil hat right now?

Ripped from the headlines

BBC News - Extracts from cannabis could help reduce brain damage in stroke victims, according to new research.

American scientists say they have found that several of the chemicals in cannabis or marijuana help to prevent damage to brain tissue.

The report is likely to lead to increased pressure to make marijuana and its derivatives more widely available for use on prescription.

Seen below is the leader of the research team:

How ironic is it?

How ironic is it that a video game about death, destruction and war is rated "M"? I don't know about you, but what I would call someone purchasing such a game is definitely not "Mature". Maybe the "M" rating stands for "Moron"?

How ironic is it?

How ironic is it that the election of Obama as president of the United States has made virtually the whole world jubilant while almost half the citizens of the united States are so completely distraught over it? Barack Obama was widely called a terrorist and even the anti-Christ. How could 150 million people hold such an extremely different view from the other six billion people on the planet?

I think the answer lies in the fact that Americans think quite differently than the rest of the world. And Obama is more like the rest of us than he is like the average American. In the minds of a great number of Americans, this can only spell disaster. Several had expressed to me that they would leave the country if Obama were to be elected. Remember, these are the same people who elected George W. Bush to office not once but twice. I think this makes it extremely clear how Americans think.

Right now

It's warmer in Toronto (17 C.) than it is in:

San Francisco (16 C.)
Rome (16 C.)
Paris (10 C.)
London (10 C.)

Must be all that globally warmed Arctic air wafting down.

Inappropriate image

Just what was this young lady thinking? The kid on the far right has no qualms about staring directly at heaven. I have a feeling these boys will never forget that day.

Britney Spears caught nude by hidden camera

An amateur photographer has made public explicit photos of...

Sorry, guys...this is just an experiment to see if scandalous keywords increase hits.

Palin gets punked

Famous Paintings: Scream, Mona, scream!

...or is it The Screamin' Lisa?