Q & A's from around the web

Why do you think Jesus washed Judas' feet?

He was trying to heel his sole.

Can I open my eyes, yet?

I've been keeping my eye on solar energy stocks, lately, particularly First Solar (FSLR) and Suntech (STP). I've been on the sidelines since September waiting for signs that the worst is over (I'm not sure we've reached that point, yet), before I make a play.

Suntech was my leading candidate to get my money, but then I read a few articles that were very pro-First Solar in this space, citing Obama's stance on "buy American" (Suntech is Chinese) as well as other reasons. I have long held the belief that a monkey can do as well or better than most equities analysts and this is yet another sliver of evidence.

In the last month and a half or so, First Solar has plunged from about $160 down to just above $100. Mind you, Suntech hasn't fared much better. But my point is that this is not the kind of market to be investing large amounts of cash in any stock.

Since the market started nosediving last September, countless "savvy" analysts have been shouting from the rooftops that this is an opportunity to buy stocks really cheap, and while that may be true, it's only true if you have a long horizon on your investment. Most people don't want to wait that long. I think it wiser in circumstances like this to put your money in a safe vehicle like a money market fund where you'll make a little profit and it's 100% safe. Then, when the broader market has stirrings that it is ready to embark on a sustained rally, gradually make incremental moves into equities.

How many people have been burned twice or more since September due to false starts in the markets? Meltdowns like this do not correct themselves in a month or two. Millions of people foolishly sunk the rest of their hard-earned cash the moment the market had a 2 or 3% pop only to watch it sink another 5% in the days that followed. And this has been repeated several times.

I hate to say it, and I've been saying this for several years, long before it became "fashionable", that we were headed for another depression almost as bad as the Great one. I imagine it will take years to come out of it. It doesn't mean that the news will all be gloomy. But we need to manage our expectations.

I'm not convinced that we have hit bottom, yet. We may have seen the worst of the layoff announcements--maybe. But we certainly have not yet seen the effect of those layoffs, meaning the reduced spending of those unfortunate workers and the effect that will have on bottom lines to businesses going forward. Not to mention the reluctance of the lucky ones to spend for fear they are next for the chopping block. Tread carefully, my friends. And always, always be sceptical.

For all you geeks out there

For a change of pace

An uplifting story.

A high school student whose mom passed away on the day her son was to play in a basketball game, surprised everyone including his coach by showing up at the game in progress after watching his mom lose her five year battle with cervical cancer.

The coach left the boy's name off the roster but when the boy joined the game, the referees awarded the opposing team two free throws on a technical foul because of it. After a seven minute debate between the opposing coach and game officials, the tech stood.

By now, word of the mother's death had spread throughout the gymnasium. The coach whispered to the player about to take the free throws and the boy threw the ball a few feet, purposely missing the basket. He repeated the action a second time. The crowd rose to its feet and applauded.

The team who blew the free throws went on to lose the game, the shooter saying of his misses "It was the right thing to do." However, both teams were winners that night.

Ripped from the headlines

Bob Barker, well-known and popular ex-game show host is angry with Edmonton, Alberta, Canada for keeping Lucy the elephant in an inappropriate environment. He claims that she is sick and should be transferred to an elephant sanctuary in California citing the harsh, cold winters in Edmonton as one of the reasons the pachyderm is not doing well. but city fathers and zoo officials say that Lucy is healthy except for a tooth problem and insist that an extended trip may kill the elephant.

After being pressured by Zoocheck Canada, a Toronto-based animal rights group, the Edmonton zoo released the following photo which it says demonstrates that Lucy is well cared for and is provided the same highly effective protection from the cold that most Canadians use:


The story.

Q & A's from around the web

What can you get free from Starbucks that helps your roses, azaleas and other acid loving plants to flourish?

A dead coffee jockey.

Pigs don't lie

According to this Axe Shampoo TV commercial, "94% of girls agree that dirty, greasy hair on a guy is a turn-off". Doesn't this beg the question "What do the other 6% think?" Are they split between "I don't mind a guy with dirty, greasy hair at all" and "I love being ravaged by a guy with dirty, greasy hair"?

Not once, but twice

As for the contest, there was no winner. We'll just carry over the prize pool to the next contest. The correct answer was "bow tie pasta".

And the Grammy goes to A--no, B...no, it goes to C...

I happened to hear the following three songs within a couple of days and I was astounded. I probably shouldn't have been, given that I've heard all three of them hundreds of times. I'm sure most people have, also. Hopefully, you'll find it mildly interesting if not astounding. Shiny objects astound me.

Play this snippet and think about what song it is:

You're probably right.

Now play this song:

What do you think? Cover of song #1?

Now play this last one:

Yet another cover of song #1?

Here are the full songs, easily identifiable.







If you're mildly retarded (or under 40), they are:
a) Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry
b) Fun, Fun, Fun by The Beach Boys
c) Roll Over Beethoven by The Beatles

Tomorrow, I'll post about the remarkable similarities between celery and anis. I'm kidding...I don't think I can post anything that interesting. But if you've never tasted anis, I highly recommend it. It's good enough to be fruit...or cake.

I see unfunny people

They don't know they're unfunny. They just walk around like regular people.

I recently watched a TV show that purported to list the "top ten most amazing comedy teams". When they reached number seven in the count-down and failed to mention even one of the true best comedy teams, I wondered if a) they were only listing people who were still alive, and or b) were saving the best for the top honours. But then they mentioned Jack Lemon and Walter Mathau (both deceased). I squirmed uneasily and continued watching.

They mentioned two or three people whom I had never heard of as one half of several teams and when they chose Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi as the number one team, I almost had a heart attack. I wish I had had one before they assaulted my senses with their ridiculous list.

With all due respect to some of their choices, how can anyone who has a modicum of understanding and exposure to comedy exclude ALL of the following comedy teams?

Abbot and Costello
Laurel and Hardy
The Three Stooges
The Marx Brothers
The Smothers Brothers
Martin and Lewis

The kicker to this sick story is that in describing one of the teams, the narrator compared them to "a modern-day Laurel and Hardy". If such a comparison is so flattering, how do you justify not having Laurel and Hardy in the list??? Do you realize how many people are involved in putting together a TV show? Hundreds. And this is the best all those comedy geniuses could come up with? Puhlease.

If you haven't seen this, there's still time to win the "grand" prize. Submit your guess, today!

Dumber and dumberer

I spotted this ad on my screen one night. Apparently, the six years spent in university didn't do much for the person who composed this ad. Nor anyone else associated with it. It should read "smarter than", not "smarter then". Nothing like making a fool of oneself whilst explaining how stupid someone else is.

And while we're on this topic, I was flipping through my newly arrived CAA magazine yesterday, and I came across this page. Minutes after I spotted the "glaring" error, I thought to myself "My god, I am so anal". But I swear to you, I don't go looking for this stuff. It jumps right out at me like someone is shining a halogen spotlight on these errors. Click on it to enlarge. Do you see what I'm talking about?

If your spotlight isn't working, or more likely you have better things to do with your time, in the coupon on the right it says "From Feb 1st to April 30st, 2009." Technically, maybe legally, you could hold them to this offer indefinitely since April "30st" never arrives, hence the sale never ends. Oddly enough, the coupon on the left reads "From Feb 1 to April 30, 2009"

Super Duper Fantastic Big Prize Giveaway Contest!

Last night, from the carcass of the unfortunate chicken I had roasted two days prior, I made a soup that was simply delizioso. I thought it would be fun if all my loyal reader guessed what kind of pasta I put in it. Now, what's a contest without a prize? To the first person who correctly identifies the style of pasta that graced my soup, I'll send out $3.87--U.S., of course. Only one guess per e-mail address, please. Multiples will be disregarded. Send your guess to "videosbyvinny@hotmail.com" or click on my profile. You must have a PayPal account to receive your prize. You can register here for free and it's free to use (for personal use). I'll announce the winner as soon as we have one...or a lack of one, four days from the publish time of this posting--the official closing of the contest. Good luck to all three of you!

Cry me a river

It's been an awful drought--much longer than a player of my skill level should have to weather (get it? drought/weather?), but finally the cards went my way and I won a poker tourney today. I swear the number of times I am ahead in a hand only to be called outrageously by players with nothing but hope, only to lose it on the river is statistically impossible...exponentially, statistically impossible. There is something else at play. After months of pain-staking investigation, intense scrutiny, thorough examination, in-depth computer analysis, and losing tens of dollars, it turns out there's a simple explanation:

Chat during an online poker tournament...

VinnyTheHack said, "Congratulations. We just made 51 cents profit for 2 hours work. (25.5 cents/hour)"
VinnyTheHack: folds
MitraImaging said, "woo hoo"
robfest2: folds
johwen: folds
MitraImaging said, "hey, in my day......"
VinnyTheHack said, "My first full-time job paid $1.65 per hour"
VinnyTheHack said, "It was tapping out tablets."
jarrett515: folds
AZMel: folds
MitraImaging said, "I used to be the guy that put the stones in the cavemen's axe handles"
VinnyTheHack said, "Ah, a hardware guy."
VinnyTheHack said, "Were you working for CAVE DEPOT?"

Seriously Funny Quotes

From Family Guy:

Chris: What do you do at a Young Republicans meeting?
Alyssa: We help those who already have the means to help themselves. Also, we perpetuate the idea that Jesus chose America to destroy non-believers and brown people.
Chris: I don't know why, but I feel safer already.

Q & A's from around the web

How do you get rid of Cold Saws ASAP?

Bring them out of the tool shed and put them by the fire.

E-bay

He's no Jimmy Carter

You've probably heard about the massive salmonella outbreak caused by peanut products in the U.S. The story just got more interesting. Stewart Parnell, the owner of Peanut Corp. of America, who was forced by health officials to recall 1,800 different products, has refused to answer questions in a hearing of the House of Representatives subcommittee investigating the affair on the grounds it may incriminate him. Probably a wise decision since he is as guilty as can be.

So far, about 600 people have been made sick and nine people have died from ingesting the tainted foods.

This peanut-brained, sick bastard knowingly and systematically pushed through as much product as he could even when tests showed his Georgia plant was laden with salmonella bacteria. His guilt was secured by investigators in a number of e-mails he sent, once pleading with health officials to allow him to "turn the raw peanuts on the floor into money".

Once again, we see an example of the almighty dollar being placed above human health and even human lives. The last thing I want is for this guy to go to prison. He needs to work his tail off for the rest of his life and be made to pay restitution to each and every victim. Would anyone disagree with me? Let's see if his high-priced lawyer gets him off with a slap on the wrist.

It's times like these that I miss the good, old days when an angry mob carrying torches and pitchforks could pluck a guy like him out of his home and force feed him a half dozen of his own peanut butter sandwiches. Well, maybe I'll settle for my Pepsi.

Name That Tune

I started another site recently called "Name That Tune". It's fashioned after the popular game show from the '70's. There are three clues in the form of increasing snippets of the beginning of classic rock and pop songs from mostly 50's-70's. Give it a whirl--maybe challenge your friends. The answer follows the clues in the form of a link. I've been adding a new tune each day, so be sure to bookmark it. You can get there from here. There's also a link on the right hand side of this page.

I feel sick to my stomach

Maybe I should make this a regular category. It seems that increasing numbers of things have this effect on me these days.

I just read that city aldermen in Calgary, Canada received a 5% pay hike. No, that's not the sickening part, although it doesn't make the stomach feel great in these trying economic times. Apparently, some of the aldermen were campaigning to scrap the increase, rightfully citing hard times as the impetus for letting the city keep the money. After all, times are just as hard for city coffers as they are for Joe Citizen.

The part that makes me want to throw up is that some of the others sitting around the council table who happily accepted the raise, say that the members who were fighting the increase were merely "grandstanding". Nothing like accusing those who would do the right thing of just trying to make the rest look bad. In effect, the shameful trying to shame the righteous.

I can't remember how many times in my life I got the same treatment. Once, when I was not yet established in a career, I was working in a very large printing shop, at the bottom of the ladder. When someone from a press crew was absent, a worker from the next lower rung would fill in for him. In my case, I got to be "roll man".

That job required that you check approximately 1,000-pound rolls of paper for nicks, stripping the roll down to where it was "clean" and then using a crane to lift and set the roll on the press. You also set up the roll to be spliced with the preceding roll as it finished, so that the paper would feed continuously. If you screwed up in either of these functions, the press would come to a stop and precious time, paper and manpower were wasted in getting started again.

On a particularly bad week, production-wise, our foreman came to chew out our crew and one thing he said was that on the times that I was working as roll man, the production rate was higher and the wastage was lower. I should mention that this particular press had three crews that worked around the clock. Anyway, it didn't take more than a few minutes for the regular roll man from my crew to come to me and give me shit for making him look bad. What kind of twisted thinking is this?

Something else from that job sticks out in my mind. There were a few guys who sometimes as they were finishing their shift would say to me in a very proud manner as I was arriving for my shift "I just f____ed the dog all day". If you're unfamiliar with this expression, it means "did nothing".

Encounters

No, it's not what you think. I just realized I'm late with the rest of this post from a couple of days ago.

My idea is this: Rather than place an ankle bracelet that allows police to track sexual predators on parole, etc., why not equip children with a simple device that signals them when a known paedophile is in the vicinity? Also or alternatively, the same signal can be received by a parent or anyone carrying a cell phone. The man's privacy is upheld since only his wherabouts is indicated and children are kept safe. It's a win/win situation. Carriers, politicians and police services, are you listening?

Q & A's from around the web

Why are smokers not affected by secondhand smoke?

If someone farts while you're eating feces, it doesn't seem to bother you.

Q & A's from around the web

My wife broke her leg so she can't bring me beer for a while. Should I divorce her?
Serious answers only.

Surely you can rig up a chair on wheels so she can do her duty. What kind of man wouldn't go a little out of his way to add a couple wheels to her kitchen stool so she can bring you whatever you need?

Close Encounters of the unwanted kind

How come there's a national "Do not call" list designed to keep annoying telephone calls from disturbing the peace and sanctity of our personal space, and spam blockers designed to allow us to keep billions of unwanted e-mails from destroying our time and sanity, but there's nothing to stem the tide of unsolicited junk mail cluttering up our cherished bills, parking tickets and notices of jury duty?

Why is it legal for someone to send me as much crap as they can afford to send and I am obligated under threat of being taken away by armed agents of the government, to accept it all? Isn't it about time that in the name of the environment, not to mention in the name of Vinny, that a national "Do not send" list is established?

Virtually every business day of the year, I receive about three pieces of junk mail. I never spend more than the time it takes to pick it up and deliver it to my recycling bag, reading any of it. Yes, it's good that it is recycled (I hope you all do, too), but there is a large cost involved in the life cycle of printed matter.

And while I'm coming up with ideas for this wish list, can someone please come up with a "Do not encounter" list for cell phones? You know, you populate your cellphone with the names--phone numbers, I guess, of people you'd least like to run into, say, your ex-wife who took you to the cleaners and would frisk you for more in a chance encounter, the guy you borrowed $50 from a month ago that you were supposed to pay back three weeks ago, Uncle Leo, etc., and through the magic of GPS, keeps them at bay. Perhaps for a small additional monthly fee, the phone will direct you to the nearest and best hiding place when someone from your DNE list is dangerously near.

A light bulb just went off--or is it "went on"? Funny that we say an alarm went off when it really went on. Anyway, on this same theme...ya know what? This post is long enough. If your attention span is as short as mine, you stopped reading after the first paragraph. I'll describe my brilliant idea in another post, tomorrow. Be sure to stop by. I'll be serving free coffee and Danish.

Classic cars from my childhood

Back in the late 60's, my older brother must have been quite a car enthusiast--probably "nut" is a more accurate adjective...even if it is a noun. He had recently purchased this beauty... (you can read about it here)

...a 1967 Chevrolet Chevelle SS 396, when he shortly thereafter embarked on an ambitious plan to build a '57 Chevy from the ground up, no less.

I remember him working on that car in the garage, sometimes alone, sometimes with a friend, at all hours, often working in the dark by the light of one of those lamps-on-a-cord-with-a-hook thingees. I can recall the jubilation when the engine first turned over. There would have been high fives all around except I'm almost positive no one had ever done a high five until a decade or two later. Even after that first milestone, there were setbacks. The car would randomly stall, sending my bro back to the drawing board.

The car wasn't one of my favourite colours--plain white, but millions of people the world over consider the '57 Chevy one of the most stylish vehicles ever produced.

Another thing I remember is how loud that street machine was. I don't recall what size engine was in it or what kind of exhaust system/mufflers/resonators it had, but I can tell you unequivocally that it would not be ignored. A slight touch of the gas pedal, idling or not, and heads would turn from a block away. What I do know is that the Chevelle's 396 CID was bigger than whatever was in the Chev.

You may not believe what I am about to share, but I have heard this from my brother on more than one occasion. The '57 was faster off the line than the muscle car Chevelle! The only reason I can think of why this was so, is that the gear ratio must have favoured lower speeds in the '57.


It seems that "the white car" (how my 13 year old brain thought of it) wasn't with us very long. One day while bro was out cruisin' on Yonge Street, he came to a red light alongside a guy on a noisy bike. They glanced at each other and they rev'ed their respective machines. It seems silly to even think that a street-legal car could compete with even a moderately quick motorcycle, but...

The light turned green, the engines screamed, the tires screeched and like greased lightning they were off. In what must have seemed like a split second, driver and rider came to an even faster stop at the next light, the car slightly before the bike. The rider was blown away. He offered to buy the car from my brother on the spot and soon thereafter, I never saw "the white car" again.

To see all posts in this series click here.

Last Kiss music video.

Click here to go to most recent posts.

Q & A's from around the web

Is there a software that can adjust the brightness of my monitor?

You behoves retrevial drivers for department's plant (graphics card, monitor).You can take it in corporation provided, produce's, upper or google.com

Editor's note: I thought I had a reasonable grasp of computers, but maybe not. I can't understand a word of the above answer. Can you?

Humber College to International Space Station: Do you copy?

Four community college students from Toronto contacted the space station through a hand-built apparatus, making them the first college-level students in the world to do so. It took them more than a year and a half to build the transceiver with many setbacks along the way, but in the end, the successful contact was so overwhelming that one of the students broke down and cried.

A number of the campus students spoke with U.S. astronaut Sandra Magnus for about ten minutes while she hurtled through space at 27,000 kilometres per hour.

The students' professor called his students' accomplishment the highlight of his career.

In a strange coincidence, I have a personal connection to this story. I happen to have attended Humber College when I was a youth. It's a small world, isn't it? Even when you're talking to someone out in space.

The Story.

17th century sanitary conditions in 2009?

One thing that always gets my ire up is when the almighty dollar is put ahead of people's health, safety or well-being. In recent days, there has been a media circus surrounding the closing of a supermarket by Toronto health department officials due to a "heavy infestation of mice" and evidence of a rat infestation, also.

News reports indicate that after a store customer complained to Toronto Public Health, "a large number of rodent droppings in display, food preparation and storage areas" were witnessed by health inspectors. The store, part of one of the largest food chains in Canada, released the following statement:

"The store is currently undergoing an intense sanitization process. Our food safety team is on-site and assessing all products for any potential compromise to packaging. Loblaws vows to remove any products at risk and to review pest control processes. We are committed to providing customers with a clean and safe store environment. We are taking swift action to resolve the situation."

It begs the following questions:

Where was the "intense sanitization process" before they got caught for this gross violation?

Where was the commitment to "review pest control processes"?

The most damning thing is that clearly many employees were aware of the severity of the problem with droppings all over the place and yet no one chose to do anything about it. As far as I'm concerned, the promises to rectify the situation are as empty as I hope the store will be for the foreseeable future. The health and safety of Loblaw's own customers, the ones filling the store's coffers, were blatantly and totally disregarded. The good ship Trust has sailed, Mr. Weston.

If you won't do the right thing for you customers, at least do it for the future of your employees. And if not for them, then for your own future bottom line and quite possibly your own job. If you haven't already, I suggest you initiate a complete and thorough inspection and review of possible infestation at each and every Loblaws store. In the end, it may be cheaper than doing nothing. Even if it isn't, consider it the cost of getting a good night's sleep. One can only hope that it did not come easy the last few days.

A Page out of the history books

I've never been a fan of Bettie Page. Hell, I hardly knew who she was--just heard her name bandied about. If you've never heard of her, she was what used to be referred to as a pin-up girl. That was back when newspapers didn't display women's breasts in all their glory and you had to buy (or sneak a peek at) what used to be called a smut magazine. Hell, in "the olden days", there were smut magazines that didn't even show nipples! It was a much different world from today. Miss Bettie Page was also one of the early girls appearing in Playboy.

Just yesterday, I inadvertently learnt she died in 2008 and being the inquisitive type, I decided to do some research. This intensive work consisted of doing a Google image search of her name. I didn't find her to be overly attractive, but then, who was in the 50's? As I pored over dozens of Bettie's pix, one of them stopped me in my tracks.

Although she is featured in provocative poses and in various stages of undress, only in this one particular photo did she have the slightest effect on my er, um prurient interest. She bears an uncanny resemblance to a girl I've had a crush on since I was a child. In fact, the apple of my eye is every bit as attractive today as she was way back then. See if you don't agree...

Veronica Lodge then and now:




Bettie Page then:




Side by side:

Is there not a striking resemblance? Further coincidence is that "Betty" (different spelling) is Veronica's best friend's name. As it turns out, the creator of the Archie comic book characters, Bob Montana, fashioned Archie's girlfriend around Veronica Lake, a popular actress back in the 40's. I wonder if Lake had a lodge...

The Archies

Life is ebbing away

I'm 54 years old and I'm dying. I don't have cancer. I don't have heart disease. I don't have any terminal affliction at all. As I was watching a documentary about the making of the 1957 movie Sweet Smell of Success (starring Burt Lancaster, Tony Curtis and Martin Milner, best known for Adam-12), something I've been feeling for a few years now suddenly became clear. Every time another celebrity from my early life passes away, so too does a piece of me. I have seen hundreds of heroes and villains alike go to the great beyond. This evening, it felt like there's very little left of me to die.

It doesn't help that I have lost interest in some of the things that used to inspire, enlighten and fill my life with joy. I haven't been to the movie theatre in four years, before that, it was ten years. Between the years I was five and twelve years old (early 60's), I used to go to the movies once a week. It shaped my early impressions of life. Later, when I was about 20, I returned to my weekly habit of movie-going. That lasted about 10 years. It seems that the biggest draw became special effects.

I had the misfortune of having a formative mind just at the time that rock and roll was born. Misfortune, because once the explosion and subsequent wave of incomprehensibly historic music waned, for me, it was as if music had died altogether. Hip hop just doesn't cut it after living through Elvis, The Twist, Beatle Mania, The British Invasion, Woodstock, Heavy Rock, etc.

I never realized how much some of the celebrities who were a part of my life meant to me until they were gone. I don't even understand now why watching an episode of the Dean Martin Roast series on YouTube practically brings me to tears even though I might have a huge grin on my face. I mean other than the fact that probably about half the guests from those shows are ghosts now. It's as if the death of each figure from my childhood takes a little of the colour of my soul away and soon I will be invisible...like them.

I wasn't ready for it, although it's perfectly logical that a point would be reached where the rate of dying celebs from any era would reach a crescendo. At my current age, many of the actors, musicians, comics, etc. that I watched, listened to, laughed at and idolized in my early life, who were just establishing themselves are now about 65-75 years old--right about life expectancy for them. I have mourned so many of the older ones already; I feel I don't have the heart to endure any more. Here is just a sample of the prominent figures who met their maker in 2008...

Suzanne Pleshette - Emily on The Bob Newhart Show.

Roy Scheider - French Connection, Jaws

Sir Arthur C. Clarke - 2001-A space Odyssey

Richard Widmark - Judgement at Nuremberg

Charleton Heston - Ben Hur, Planet of the Apes

Dick Martin - Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In

Harvey Korman - Carol Burnett Show, Blazing Saddles

George Carlin - Comic

Larry Harmon - You probably know him by his "other name"--Bozo the Clown

Isaac Hayes - Wrote the theme from Shaft, the chef on South Park

Jerry Reed - When You're Hot, You're Hot, Amos Moses, Smokey and the Bandit

Paul Newman - List too long

Bettie Page - 50's pin-up model, early Playboy centrefold

Van Johnson - Actor

Rock and Roll Heaven