Corner Gas

The Canadian comedy series, "Corner Gas", is airing it's final episode next Monday, April 13th after a very successful six-year run. How successful has it been? The producers managed to get Kiefer Sutherland, son of Canadian acting icon Donald Sutherland, and star of the drama series "24", to do a cameo on the show...



But the show had even bigger fish to fry. The current Canadian Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, took the opportunity to soften his "starchy" image...



We Canadians take our comedy very seriously. Yesterday, the Premier of Saskatchewan, where the show is filmed, proclaimed April 13th "Corner Gas Day". The show, set in the fictional town of Dog River, was shot in Regina and the village of Rouleau, 70 kilometres southwest of the city.

The producers had a "Pump out a poster" contest for a chance to win some neat stuff, including a signed script from the show, by designing a commemorative poster. I submitted an entry, but unfortunately, I guess they didn't like the subject matter. Here's my submission (click to enlarge):




And here's a few "show-related" items you may be interested in purchasing (to help my cause):

Item 1

Item 2

Item 3

Q & A's from around the web

If someone has their period on hotel sheets or there are other nasty things that may have been on those sheets, do they throw them out or do they bleach them like crazy?

They use industrial strength washers along with plenty of bleach and or detergent and wash in water as close to boiling as you can get followed by drying at super high temps. If there's something on them that still ain't dead by then, they shoot it.

Death week

Time was that when a person was shot during the commission of a crime, it was seen as a tragedy and a reflection of a failure of society that anyone would feel the need to stoop so low no matter what the reason. These days, shootings are so commonplace, that more often than not, we pay less attention to them than the other parts of the news. In effect, they have all but stopped being interesting to us.

Furthermore, we're seeing a huge increase in the number of shootings that stem not from the commission of a crime, but for the sole reason of emotional upset, be it rage, depression, mental illness or any number of other maladies that seem to be much more pervasive in society today than decades ago. And much of the time, they are mass killings.

THE WEEK OF SHOOTINGS

Sat 4 April: Gunman kills three policemen in Pittsburgh before being wounded and captured.

Fri 3 April: Gunman kills 13 people at an immigration centre in Binghamton, New York state, then apparently shoots himself.

Sun 29 March: Gunman kills seven elderly residents and a nurse at a nursing home in Carthage, North Carolina, then is shot and wounded himself.

Sun 29 March: Man kills five relatives and himself in Santa Clara, California.

Just this past week in the U.S., 30 people from four mass shootings are dead. What do you think? As a society, are we not doing enough to help people who may be susceptible to dangerous, emotional outbursts? The latest incident supposedly happened because the perpetrator had recently lost his job. Should we be expecting more such incidents as increasing numbers of people face tremendous financial hardships from the current economic downturn? Is this trend (mass shootings) a manifestation of the breakdown of the traditional family? Are too many people feeling isolated and like they have no one to go to for understanding and support? I would really like to hear from people. It gets tiring doing all the talking around here. I know you're out there--let me know what you think.

Times have changed

I was thinking of my late father today and was reminded of something that would probably be seen by most people today as a bit bizarre. Actually, if memory serves, my friends thought it was strange even back then in the 60' and 70's.

My dad worked as a labourer in construction most of his life and many times he would come home late and always exhausted. That's not the bizarre part. When dad came home, he was (obviously) kinda dirty. Oftentimes, he would plunk himself on a chair in the basement (we had a finished basement with a walkout) and call out to us.

It was an understood signal that one of us, us being the two younger siblings, or mom if she wasn't too busy, was being summoned to go and wash my father's feet. At the best of times my dad would have had a hard time washing his own feet since he was short and stocky. Bending over after working hard all day was an effort he didn't need. We even used to unlace and pull his construction boots off much of the time.

It didn't seem an extraordinary thing to us. Even then, I knew that the washing of someone's feet was performed in Biblical times as a show of respect, and our whole family having come from the "Old World" and being Catholic, we were steeped in tradition and the old ways. If Jesus could wash a friend's feet, who were we to refuse to wash our father's feet?

I also remember how funny I thought it was that when one of us kids showed reluctance to perform a small task he tried to assign, he would sometimes say "It's not like I'm asking you to wash my feet and drink the water." It was amusing then, but even more so now, because of the discontinued custom--as if simply washing someone's feet isn't a big enough imposition to make the point, drinking the water had to be tacked on.

These days, I imagine kids whine if they're asked to wash the car...even their own.

Q & A's from around the web

What to do after accidentally swallowing multiple chainsaws?

Whatever you do, make sure nobody yanks on your arm!

Here come da judge...

I hate to admit it, but I am a big fan of the Fox Network court TV shows. Judge Mathis, in particular, is one very cool dude. If he hadn't decided to go into law, he could have made a pretty good living as a comic. But this post is not about him.

If any of you watch/have watched any of these shows, I think you'll identify with this. I am sooo tired of muting or switching channels just before it's time for another set of commercials. They have this annoying habit of playing excerpts from the segment that will follow the upcoming commercials. It would be bad enough if they just played 5-10 seconds of it, as it is usually the most interesting/unexpected/outrageous part, but they play as much as 30 seconds or more. Talk about spoiling the story.

If you forget/neglect to mute/switch channels, you may as well get up and clean the bathroom for the next five minutes because the only thing you'll be missing is commercials followed by a few minutes of crap that was too boring to put in the "preview".

If I were a (potential) sponsor, there's no way I'd advertise during those programs. Instead of giving the viewer incentive to stay glued to the TV, I believe it has the opposite effect. If one watches the preview, (s)he is likely to think "I'll run and (insert household chore here) and if I'm not back by the time the commercials are over, I probably won't miss much."

Tomorrow, I'll post about the banal subject of world hunger. Or not.

Celebrities' secret identities

Today's secret celebrity identity is one I've known about for some years. As I searched for photos that would best demonstrate the similarity of the (apparent) two identities, I came across a video, rendering the photo comparison a second rate demonstration. Without further ado, I give you Michael Keaton posing as Tim Hudak, an MPP (Member of Provincial Parliament) of Ontario, Canada:

Ripped from the headlines

HARRISBURG, Pa. – A retired police chief said he was robbed by "probably the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania," at a police officers' convention on Friday morning. John Comparetto said that as he came out of a stall in the men's room, a man pointed a gun in his face and demanded money. There were 300 narcotics officers from Pennsylvania and Ohio at the gathering.

Comparetto gave up his money and cell phone. But when the man fled, Comparetto and some colleagues chased him. They arrested a 19-year-old man as he was trying to leave in a taxi.

The suspect is also awaiting trial on four previous robbery charges.

The suspect was arraigned and taken to Dauphin County Prison. When a reporter asked the suspect for comment as he was led out of court, he said, "I'm smooth."

Smooth? I'd say this guy is crunchy--as in nuts.

Celebrities' secret identities

Just when you thought it was safe to take a shower...



...the psycho goes from scaring thousands of theatre goers to scaring millions of Ontarions.



Top: Anthony Perkins in "Psycho".
Bottom: Dalton McGuinty - Premier of Ontario, Canada.

Celebrities' secret identities

I was reading a technical article in ZDNet and I believe I found PeeWee Herman's moonlighting job. Tell me I'm wrong.

Dancho (PeeWee) Danchev:

Returning from the edge of the abys...and obese

I've been a fan of hers for over 35 years ever since I watched her at the age of fifteen (her age, not mine) on the hit TV series "One Day at a Time". Her sweet looks and the apparent lack of scandal that often follows child stars, kept her close to my heart over the years. It didn't hurt that she had an Italian surname as I do.

I was delighted to "see her again" after being out of the spotlight for, gulp, decades, when she started doing Jenny Craig commercials. Of course, I had no idea that the petite girl had let herself get "very large", and I think I'm being kind when I use that term, but I was pleased as all-get-out to see that she had whooped her disorder and was much slimmer at the time of the commercials.

I have a thing about over-weight people--not a good thing. I can't seem to get past it. It's a personality flaw (mine, not theirs). Sooo, I felt that Bertinelli was still kind of chubby. There's a word I like to use for attractive women who are a bit overweight--"thick". Every time I saw one of her commercials, as much as I squinted, I just couldn't quite shoe-horn her into the "thick" category.

Maybe it was the image that I carried around so long that made the "new" Valerie look to me to be bigger than she really was. Regardless, I got a very pleasant surprise today. I happened on an ad for a People Magazine story about Bertinelli getting into a bikini to celebrate her 49th birthday.

I have another quirk, and again, not a good thing--I keep forgetting how old I am (and look) and catch myself being too critical of others about my age and sometimes even much younger than I. But, I have to admit that this fine lady looks as good in a bikini today as anyone at any age does. She has completely returned from obesity. To have come back around to "thick" would have been terrific, but she has come all the way back to a slim, beautiful, vivacious "girl".

Congratulations, Valerie! Your adoring fans would love to see you on the screen again, big or small (the screen, not your size)!

I sure hope they didn't photoshop her image. A guy with even my poor skills can produce results like this...

I guess they didn't get the memo on obesity

A minor league baseball park in Grand Rapids, Michigan has added a major league item to its menu--an unbelievable four pound burger! The monstrosity contains 4,800 calories and it's price tag is also major league--it'll set you back $20. But they say that anyone who eats it all in one sitting will receive a special T-shirt. Mama mia! Atsa one big hamburger!

Q & A's from around the web

How many HRs does a player on average hit each season?

totally depends on the player

It depends totally on the player

There are many variables that factor into how many homeruns per season a player averages.

The problem with your question is that there is no single average player to base an average number of homeruns on each year.

Editor's note:
You ask a simple question--you'd think someone would just say "About 20".

It's no wonder people call it Faux News

I can easily imagine a few of the lines in the following video taken from a late night Fox News show being used in a Canadian comedy production. Making light of our army is as much a part of our identity as the fact that the Canada's military has participated in more U.N. peace missions than any other country, including the United States. But given that there's a war going on in Afghanistan, a war where Canadians have had more soldiers there than any other country except for the U.S., I find it to be in very bad taste. This coupled with the fact that this aired while we were honouring the latest four fallen soldiers, bringing the total number of Canadians lost in this war to 116, elevates the statements to deplorable.

Imagine that a Canadian news program went on the day after 9/11 and participants joked and laughed about how Americans can't build office buildings properly, etc. How appropriate would that be? In comedy, it's all about timing. And this segment's timing was way off. How funny does it seem now?

The old boy is still (marginally) lucid

I am very happy to report that over the last few weeks, I made two moves putting sizable chunks of my money back into the market. I am now about 50% invested. I have almost given up trying to pick winning stocks or even winning mutual funds, so over the last year or so, my entire portfolio has been in a mix of money market (pays virtually nothing, but it's a safe haven) and a fund based on the TSX (Toronto Stock Exchange) index.

Where will the markets go from here? It's anybody's guess. Everyone (including me) has been predicting longterm doom and gloom, and I still believe it. But the markets have surprised several times recently and also in the past, doing things unexpected. While we have not yet felt the full effects of millions of laid off workers, and that tide probably has not eased yet, the markets could very well look beyond it and ride the optimism that has currently washed over investors who believe that Obama and co. are on the right track to resolving this unprecedented financial collapse.

If only I were allowed to shift my money as often and in real time as I felt market conditions warranted, I might be able to make serious money, but alas, my financial institution only applies changes requested before 3 p.m. at day's close and once you shift money into a fund, whether it's a true mutual fund or it's a money market or index fund, you cannot move money out of it for a whole month (you can, but severe penalties are applied making it unproductive--they consider it day-trading). Still, I've managed to generate (almost) enough money to live on for the last six years. It's a meagre existence compared to the high life I lived for the last few decades, but for reasons I'm not ready to divulge, this will have to do.

Note:
On December 17th, 2008, after U.S. markets made large gains following the big drop, I wrote this...

I see the American indexes dropping below their previous lows in the coming months. I'll join the market at that point because I expect slow and steady gains going forward for the foreseeable future.

And on February 27th, I reiterated my sentiment here...

I'm not convinced that we have hit bottom, yet.

Sure enough, early in March new lows were forged. Technically, I was wrong about slow and steady gains following it--they have been nothing short of tremendous to this point. As I write this at mid-afternoon, North American exchange indexes are up around four percent on the day.

Good luck to you all in your investment decisions! And to anyone who is suffering financially, chin up--better times will return.

Life in the fast lane

I glanced over at the magazine rack at the supermarket, yesterday, and on the cover of the latest issue of Cosmo, is the following:

Sex that brings you closer:
These moves will light a bonfire in his pants...and in his heart.

And:

What guys want after sex.

My reaction to the first storyline is that I'm getting a sense of why young people seem more confused than at any time in history about the difference between love and sex. I am by no stretch of the imagination a prude--never have been, but in my humble opinion, sex, no matter how great, can never have the lasting and cementing effect that love can on two souls. In fact, I would go so far as to say that spectacular sex early in a relationship seems to have the opposite effect. I'm not sure why--I've never thought to analyze it, but my personal and friends' experiences seem to bear this out.

You've probably heard someone say "All we have in common is great sex." It's doubtful you've ever heard anyone complain "All we have in common is a tremendous love for one another."

This is not to say that you can't have both, but great sex more often follows falling in love than the other way around. Just to clarify, if someone is after no-strings great sex, that's their business. What I'm saying is that I believe magazines like Cosmo are leading naive people into believing that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his pants. I think following such advice will only lead to eventual heartache and pain...even if there are a few mind-blowing orgasms along the way.

As far as the second storyline goes, I thought it was pretty clear to just about everyone over 16 what guys want after sex: to get away from the girl as quickly and as far as possible. Of course, I didn't open the magazine to read the article, but if it contradicts this in any way, it's B.S. There is one caveat to this rule, however. Girls, if you offer to make him a sandwich, he might stay a while. Especially if you tell him he can eat it off your ass.

They had one thing in common, they were good in bed
She'd say, 'Faster, faster--the lights are turnin' red."
Life in the fast lane. Surely make you lose your mind.

No good deed goes unpunished

Yesterday, as promised, I went to the store to pay for the item they mistakenly did not charge me for the day before. I picked up a few items, including another jug of canola oil. As I approached the checkouts, I scanned the cashiers and was happy to see that the very attractive one was working the express lane.

After I paid for everything, I said to her in a hushed voice "You're going to think I'm crazy, but yesterday I bought one of these (grabbing the oil) and they didn't scan it at all, so take this one back." She said "I do think you're crazy...you could have given it to me." At that point, I noticed the lady bagging her stuff ahead of me had slowed her actions and dropped her mouth open in apparent agreement with the cashier's assessment of my mental condition.

Smiling, I said (to the cashier) "The next time someone forgets to charge me for jewellery, I'll give it to you."

In retrospect, I think the girl in her early 20's would prefer to get oil from this 54 year old. Also, in retrospect, I never should have evoked conversation with the girl. Better to maintain the fantasy of a perfect female specimen than to shatter it by finding she's prone to dishonesty. And finally, in retrospect, the beautiful girl I used to have a "pleasant" customer/employee relationship with, now thinks I'm an old weirdo. At least I can sleep well at night. Alone, but well. I don't think that Karma sh*t works.

What would you do?

Yesterday, I was at the checkout of a supermarket and as usual, I did a quick guesstimate of the cost of my items so that I can get the appropriate amount of money out of my pocket. I had $15 in my hand but was surprised when I was asked for only seven dollars and change. I didn't think much of it since I have often been surprised by how inexpensive things are at this particular store.

When I got home, it occurred to me that $7.xx couldn't possibly have been correct. I looked at my receipt and sure enough, the 2-litre jug of canola oil had not been scanned at all. I hadn't paid much attention to the price on the shelf, but it must be in the $5 range. It took me about ten seconds to decide to go back (today) and pay for it.

Let me assure you that I am not well-off. In fact...I'd rather not go there. Suffice to say, an extra $5 in my pocket would be very welcome, even if it wouldn't have much company in there. It would certainly mean more to me than to that supermarket. Regardless, I will pay for the item.

That's the kind of guy I am; the kind of guy I've always been. And even though I've gotten screwed many times in my life, sometimes by people, and even institutions for that matter, I don't know how else to be. Truth be told, I did some rather unsavoury things in my youth and perhaps a few small indiscretions as an adult, although none come immediately to mind, but they have always weighed heavily on me. Just the thought of being dishonest bothers me.

I have been called crazy more than a few times by people who had encouraged me to take advantage when such opportunities presented themselves and I declined. In a few instances, taking the high road has cost me very dearly. Reflecting on those times, I am resentful for having been taken advantage of. But I harbour resentment at the people and institutions that perpetrated it, not at myself for leaving myself open to it. Sadly, I'm afraid I might do it the same way, again. Gladly, it's virtually impossible for such circumstances to reoccur.

Rather than leave this post on a dour note...

How much do wish to withdraw?

A Raleigh, North Carolina woman who left $400 in her bedroom last Friday that she had planned to deposit the next day, found it was missing. The only thing she could think of was that her two-year-old dog had eaten it. When she took the dog out for a walk on Saturday, she saw bits of the bills in the dogs "leavings". She washed them off with a hose and found parts of three $100 bills and five $20's. She said she hoped to find enough pieces to exchange them for cash.

I've heard of the goose that laid golden eggs, but this is ridiculous.

Augie, the canine ATM:

Q & A's from around the web

I hooked up with this girl from a party last week, and we started to sleep on the same bed. Since we don't know each other very well, we haven't had real "sex" yet. But we had hours of deep intense kissing, and body rubbing with underwears on. Is this a safe way to pleasure?

If you want to be 100% sure it is safe, viedotape a session and send it to me for careful analysis.

The sensitivity of cows

Have you ever noticed how most cows align themselves in a north-south direction? Actually, neither have I. But if you ever do, you'll know it's not just a happenstance. Apparently, there is now proof that cows and deer (at least) are sensitive to magnetic fields. When they are near overhead electrical wires running east-west, they tend to line up the same way. The reason they line up north-south in the absence of electrical wires is because of the earth's own magnetic field.

Notice how most of these cattle are lined up in the same direction...



The story.

The world has gone mad

Insurance giant AIG reported the largest corporate loss in history in the fourth quarter--a whopping $61.7 billion! You'd think that would be enough for them to slash salaries across the board, right? Wrong. They are handing out $165 million in bonuses mostly to members of the group responsible for the massive losses stemming from risky credit default swaps. Doh!

The kicker is that AIG was given $170 billion (yes, with a "b") in bailout money to help keep it afloat. These executives keep singing the same, tired song. We need to give bonuses so that we can retain the best talent. Duh! If you had any talent on board at all, you wouldn't be in this mess.

Here's a radical idea: Fire all those responsible for the current mess you find yourselves in and hire three truly talented individuals for every four dead wood you fire and pay each of the new hires 25% more. Here's another insane idea: Pay according to performance. What, common sense is not a pre-req to getting an MBA?

Zimbabwe's inflation woes

According to Central Statistical Office statistics, annual inflation rate rose to 231 million percent in July 2008. Central bank attempts to keep pace with hyper-inflation as prices are doubling every day.

Zimbabwe has unveiled a 100 trillion Zimbabwe dollar banknote.

The country's central bank also plans to introduce Z$10tn, Z$20tn and Z$50tn notes.

How bad is inflation in Zimbabwe? Well, consider this: at a supermarket in the capital city, toilet paper costs $417. No, not per roll. Four hundred seventeen Zimbabwean dollars is the value of a single two-ply sheet. A roll costs $145,750.

The above quoted price of toilet paper is from an article in 2006. At the prevailing inflation rate, a single sheet must cost about a million dollars(?) today.

Going out for dinner? Bring a hefty knapsack to carry the more than $1 billion you'll need.




Is America going down that same path...

Karma (and the law) catches up

The chickens have come home to roost. Peter Pocklington may die in prison if he's convicted of the fraud charges filed against him in Palm Springs, California stemming from a personal bankruptcy filing in 2008. If the name doesn't ring any bells, "Peter Puck" is the former owner of the Edmonton Oilers of the National Hockey League who was vilified by the entire country of Canada for selling Wayne Gretzky, the greatest hockey player who ever lived, for about $18 million to the Los Angeles Kings.

The man collected enemies like kids collect hockey cards. He brought in strike breakers to settle a company dispute with workers at a company he owned which eventually closed. He had another company bailed out by the Canadian government to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars.

In his personal bankruptcy papers, he claimed he was worth $2,900. He um, forgot to mention the luxurious home he has, the contents of a storage locker, the investment companies he owns offshore and last but not least two bank accounts. This man used to boast a wine collection worth $750,000 and a house full of Renoir sketches.

At some point he left Canada because he was displeased with its socialist leanings. He preferred to be among "people who are impressed with those who get up early and make things happen." He made things happen, alright--mostly disasters left in his wake. He has had more failed companies than Michael Jackson has had surgeries.

He has a United States citizenship application currently being reviewed, but now, at 67, he is a broken man with $20 million in debts and possibly facing prison time. I'm not so sure that the Americans are as enamoured with him as he is with them. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Moooo!

In following one news item, yesterday, I came across another that described Canada's Speech From the Throne from just over a month ago. For those unfamiliar with the term, there is no throne involved and it sometimes barely qualifies as a speech at all. Like most things in government and law, it's steeped in tradition, much of it silly in this day and age...like men wearing blonde, braided, powder wigs in courtrooms.

The speech is used to outline what the government of the day intends to do in the near future. This one was fairly brief considering the economic climate here at home and around the world. But it did mention that they would put stimulus money into various programs to kick start the economy. I briefly surveyed them and found a couple of interesting ones, one of which I'll share.

For the benefit of those who are unfamiliar with Newfoundland, it would help if I described it a bit before explaining the funding that is to soon take place. Newfoundland is one of the most impoverished areas of Canada. It was bad enough even before all the codfish were taken from the Atlantic, which was one of its main occupations, so you can imagine what it's been like since.

So, to help out our poor brethren on The Rock, what do you suppose the federal government of Canada has committed to do? Build a state of the art research centre? Relocate a government ministry to St. John's, Newfoundland? Perhaps, commit money for retraining of unemployed fishermen? Actually, the feds say they will make available about $200,000 so that peat moss can be developed into an alternate bedding material for dairy cows. Go ahead--read the previous sentence again, but I guarantee it won't sound any less bizarre. Maybe the thinking is that if those big, fat dairy cows can sleep more comfortably, they might be persuaded to produce cappuccino or other exotic drinks more lucrative than plain milk. I'm all for making animals comfortable, but how, exactly, will this stimulate the local economy?

Test cow with peat moss bed:

Here's a freebie for all you faithful readers

I have documented my displeasure with Rogers Cable customer service very well in this blog. I have been anticipating giving them their walking papers, but it's difficult to wean myself off TV viewing. I'm hoping that it won't be long that I can get for free or a minimal charge, my TV fix from the web. Paying $61 a month for what is mostly crap on the idiot box these days is um, idiotic.

I already have available a multitude of sporting events that my second tier cable subscription doesn't include by going here. The site also has a lineup of network, specialty and comedy programming, some of which are 24-7, here. And not only is it free, but no sign-up, log-in or e-mail registering is required! Don't say I never give you anything.

On the horizon, is a piece of hardware that you pay for once for about $100, and you never have to pay a red cent for all the programming you can stand. Ever. Now, that's the kind of deal television executives should have been providing all along instead of charging a king's ransom for a half decent lineup and then nickel and diming us to death for converter boxes, digital cable, high definition, etc. Read all about it, here.

Rogers, your days are numbered...

Fraser Institute report

According to an Edmonton, Alberta teacher, an annual report ranking all the schools in the province "is doing more harm than good." Mr. Peter Shipley, who has a daughter in grade seven, went on to say "What comes out of it is a lot of frustration for schools that are low on the list, but it’s not going to end anytime soon because that’s the nature of our society — always compare, compare, compare."

What I'd like to know, is how are school administrators to know if changes are needed if comparisons aren't made? I wonder if he's also against testing students since exams just "compare, compare, compare." Perhaps, they shouldn't keep score at sporting events, either--it's so hard on the...er...um...team with the lower score. (I'm sure Shipley would object to referring to it as the "losing team". ) Okay, one last shot at this guy: It's probably teachers with views like Shipley that are dragging down some schools.

Sinatra swings

This is part of a Family Guy episode I saw recently. One particular bit almost made me fall down laughing. It was funnier when Stewie sang it but...

From the "Wow" file..

I saw this on the news on TV...












Apparently, the man only suffered minor injuries. How bizarre is that?

Happy Birthday!

Actually, it's my city's birthday. The place I've called home for over half a century is 175 years old, today. In terms of other major cities, Toronto is just a toddler. Yet, this city is one of the most vibrant, cosmopolitan (yet never forgetting its meagre beginnings), culturally diverse cities in the world. I'm not sure which I am more proud of--Toronto or Canada. To me, each represents the epitome of what a city or country should be. Mayor David Miller points to the city's public services, strong work ethic, frugality, and sense of social justice as keys to Toronto's success. I would agree with that sentiment. The city has come a long way from it's Puritan roots. I've heard stories that up until the 50's, city playgrounds were "locked" on the Lord's day so that children could not use them. Personally, I recall that you'd be hard-pressed to find any business open on a Sunday, including gas stations and stores. When I took my first vacation in Florida around 1979, arriving on a Sunday, I couldn't believe my eyes when we found a supermarket open. "Heathen!", I thought. ;) Even on week days, Toronto bars could not open until noon and could not serve alcoholic beverages until hours later unless it was accompanied by a meal. Pubs had to close at 1 a.m. Since then, Toronto has joined the ranks of the un-anointed with bars staying open until 2 a.m. and most shops opening on Sundays and those with tourist attraction designation are even open on statutory holidays. I used to have personal photos from the 50's but my ex- was too vindictive to let me have them after the divorce. So, instead I'll post a few of Toronto landmarks then and now from the web with commentary about my connection to them. Old City Hall: This is a relatively new photo of relatively old building (1899) still in use, today. I believe they still use courtrooms here and it boasts a jail in the basement for unruly "guests". I hate to admit that in my troubled youth, I was indeed a guest here once.

New City Hall: Built in 1965 to a tremendous positive reaction for it's unique architectural design, the taller tower is 27 floors and the "flying saucer" in the middle is the city council chamber. My school took us here on a field trip shortly after it opened.

Maple Leaf Stadium: It was built in 1926, but the team was already playing at another stadium since 1886. The team was part of the International League. I used to hear that names like Willie Mays, Sparky Anderson, etc. played here. When I was a kid in the early 60's, my friends and I used to regularly walk about thirty minutes to the stadium to collect discarded pop bottles to refund for candy money. Toronto would not get an MLB team until I believe, 1977, playing out of Exhibition Stadium, which by the way, played through a snowy day its very first opening day. Some question whether we have a major league team, today. Americans don't seem to have noticed that the Toronto Blue Jays won back to back World Series championships in '92 and '93.

Rogers Centre: Current home of the Blue Jays and Canadian Football League Argonauts. I was lucky enough to have been invited to watch a MLB game by a client who had a private box. When the stadium was first built, luxury boxes were going for $1 million for a ten-year commitment. Ouch. And that did not include the price of tickets, food, drinks or gratuities!

Maple Leaf Gardens: Built in 1926, it is regarded as the holy shrine of hockey. The Toronto Maple Leafs won four cups in five years here in the early 60's. Haven't won one since. Ouch. Cheap seats then were $2. When I was in my teens, I paid a scalper $20 for a $4 ticket. Ouch. Air Canada Centre: Today's home of both the Maple Leafs and the NBA Toronto Raptors. Due to poor performance of the leafs, I haven't attended a single game here. Due to the poor performance of the Raps, I attended only one game here because I got a free ticket. Downtown Toronto: Then.

Downtown Toronto: Now.

Toronto skyline: This shot was taken from Toronto island. Prominent is the CN Tower, built in 1974, at 1815 feet tall, it remained the tallest, free-standing structure in the world until 2008. Those "tiny" buildings to the right are as much as 90 stories tall. My brother-in-law, who is a welder, has his name permanently etched into one of the tower's steel girders. Around 1980, I had dinner in the revolving restaurant. What do you think?--Does $22 for lamb chops sound expensive for 1980? Ouch. I still have the two glasses shaped like the tower that our drinks were served in.

I left out a number of venues deserving mention. Maybe I'll feature others in future postings.

Love and the City

A couple of evenings ago, I had just turned on the TV and was hunting, when I stopped on a news story about volunteers teaching adolescents to cook. The story returned to Susan Hay, well-known Global TV weather girl and charity worker. The camera was close in on her face and in that moment it struck me what a truly rare young lady this is.

With bigtime looks and small town personality, she could take the world by the tail if she wanted. But what does she do, instead?

From 2001-2003, she hosted a news segment titled "Heart of the City" about community involvement. In 2003, Hay went to Africa with World Vision to help children orphaned by AIDS. She went to Africa two more times to transform lives. As if that isn't enough, Susan is a spokesperson for four charitable and research foundations, runs marathons to raise money for leukemia research, and is currently hosting "Making a Difference" seen bi-weekly on Global.

Ok, back to that instant in time I mentioned earlier. Just then, they flashed Susan Hay's e-mail address on the screen, and I jumed up and wrote her a short note commending her for all the good work she does. Despite being at the TV studio at the end of a very long and arduos day, this lovely woman took the time right there and then to respond to my e-mail within fifteen minutes of my having sent it.

The world could use a few more Susan Hays.

Woo Hoo!

The good news: I just finished an online poker tourny where I finished eleventh out of 2,382 entrants!

The bad news: It was only a freeroll (free to enter with very small prize money put up by the poker site), so all I won for my three hours of "work" was two dollars. Yes, you read it right.

What's in your wallet?

For a Massachusetts man, the answer is "ten human teeth". A Wal-Mart shopper who was about to purchase a new wallet, opened up a compartment and to his horror made the grisly discovery. Police were called but with no blood or gum tissue, no D.N.A. identification could be made. A spokesperson for the world's largest department store said she believes it is "an isolated incident".

"believes"? As in she's not sure? Was she covering up the fact that several times a week Wal-Mart customers find teeth in the wallets they purchase?

How appropriate that this story came from Falmouth, Mass.

The Story.

Warning:

If you're thinking of getting one of those payday loans where you borrow a few hundred bucks to be paid within a week or two, think again. You'd be better off selling a kidney. Apparently, the fees and interest rates are so high that many people get into a vicious cycle of borrowing to repay the first loan. I always thought interest rates of greater than 30% or so were illegal, but it seems I've been wrong all along. Some of these places charge as much as 800% per annum!

One poor woman who borrowed $500 spent the next year trying to extricate herself and in the process paid over $6,000 in interest and fees!

Just thought I'd pass on the warning.

Quote

Shaquille O'neal of the Phoenix Suns after scoring 45 points against Toronto Raptors last Friday night:

“I’m the only player who looks at each and every centre and says to myself, ‘That’s barbecued chicken down there.”’

Q & A's from around the web

Why do religious people look down on athiests?

The answer is much simpler than you think. A recent study has shown that believers, on average, are .37 inches taller than atheists. Plus, they spell better.

Q & A's from around the web

Why do you think Jesus washed Judas' feet?

He was trying to heel his sole.

Can I open my eyes, yet?

I've been keeping my eye on solar energy stocks, lately, particularly First Solar (FSLR) and Suntech (STP). I've been on the sidelines since September waiting for signs that the worst is over (I'm not sure we've reached that point, yet), before I make a play.

Suntech was my leading candidate to get my money, but then I read a few articles that were very pro-First Solar in this space, citing Obama's stance on "buy American" (Suntech is Chinese) as well as other reasons. I have long held the belief that a monkey can do as well or better than most equities analysts and this is yet another sliver of evidence.

In the last month and a half or so, First Solar has plunged from about $160 down to just above $100. Mind you, Suntech hasn't fared much better. But my point is that this is not the kind of market to be investing large amounts of cash in any stock.

Since the market started nosediving last September, countless "savvy" analysts have been shouting from the rooftops that this is an opportunity to buy stocks really cheap, and while that may be true, it's only true if you have a long horizon on your investment. Most people don't want to wait that long. I think it wiser in circumstances like this to put your money in a safe vehicle like a money market fund where you'll make a little profit and it's 100% safe. Then, when the broader market has stirrings that it is ready to embark on a sustained rally, gradually make incremental moves into equities.

How many people have been burned twice or more since September due to false starts in the markets? Meltdowns like this do not correct themselves in a month or two. Millions of people foolishly sunk the rest of their hard-earned cash the moment the market had a 2 or 3% pop only to watch it sink another 5% in the days that followed. And this has been repeated several times.

I hate to say it, and I've been saying this for several years, long before it became "fashionable", that we were headed for another depression almost as bad as the Great one. I imagine it will take years to come out of it. It doesn't mean that the news will all be gloomy. But we need to manage our expectations.

I'm not convinced that we have hit bottom, yet. We may have seen the worst of the layoff announcements--maybe. But we certainly have not yet seen the effect of those layoffs, meaning the reduced spending of those unfortunate workers and the effect that will have on bottom lines to businesses going forward. Not to mention the reluctance of the lucky ones to spend for fear they are next for the chopping block. Tread carefully, my friends. And always, always be sceptical.

For all you geeks out there

For a change of pace

An uplifting story.

A high school student whose mom passed away on the day her son was to play in a basketball game, surprised everyone including his coach by showing up at the game in progress after watching his mom lose her five year battle with cervical cancer.

The coach left the boy's name off the roster but when the boy joined the game, the referees awarded the opposing team two free throws on a technical foul because of it. After a seven minute debate between the opposing coach and game officials, the tech stood.

By now, word of the mother's death had spread throughout the gymnasium. The coach whispered to the player about to take the free throws and the boy threw the ball a few feet, purposely missing the basket. He repeated the action a second time. The crowd rose to its feet and applauded.

The team who blew the free throws went on to lose the game, the shooter saying of his misses "It was the right thing to do." However, both teams were winners that night.

Ripped from the headlines

Bob Barker, well-known and popular ex-game show host is angry with Edmonton, Alberta, Canada for keeping Lucy the elephant in an inappropriate environment. He claims that she is sick and should be transferred to an elephant sanctuary in California citing the harsh, cold winters in Edmonton as one of the reasons the pachyderm is not doing well. but city fathers and zoo officials say that Lucy is healthy except for a tooth problem and insist that an extended trip may kill the elephant.

After being pressured by Zoocheck Canada, a Toronto-based animal rights group, the Edmonton zoo released the following photo which it says demonstrates that Lucy is well cared for and is provided the same highly effective protection from the cold that most Canadians use:


The story.

Q & A's from around the web

What can you get free from Starbucks that helps your roses, azaleas and other acid loving plants to flourish?

A dead coffee jockey.

Pigs don't lie

According to this Axe Shampoo TV commercial, "94% of girls agree that dirty, greasy hair on a guy is a turn-off". Doesn't this beg the question "What do the other 6% think?" Are they split between "I don't mind a guy with dirty, greasy hair at all" and "I love being ravaged by a guy with dirty, greasy hair"?

Not once, but twice

As for the contest, there was no winner. We'll just carry over the prize pool to the next contest. The correct answer was "bow tie pasta".

And the Grammy goes to A--no, B...no, it goes to C...

I happened to hear the following three songs within a couple of days and I was astounded. I probably shouldn't have been, given that I've heard all three of them hundreds of times. I'm sure most people have, also. Hopefully, you'll find it mildly interesting if not astounding. Shiny objects astound me.

Play this snippet and think about what song it is:

You're probably right.

Now play this song:

What do you think? Cover of song #1?

Now play this last one:

Yet another cover of song #1?

Here are the full songs, easily identifiable.







If you're mildly retarded (or under 40), they are:
a) Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry
b) Fun, Fun, Fun by The Beach Boys
c) Roll Over Beethoven by The Beatles

Tomorrow, I'll post about the remarkable similarities between celery and anis. I'm kidding...I don't think I can post anything that interesting. But if you've never tasted anis, I highly recommend it. It's good enough to be fruit...or cake.

I see unfunny people

They don't know they're unfunny. They just walk around like regular people.

I recently watched a TV show that purported to list the "top ten most amazing comedy teams". When they reached number seven in the count-down and failed to mention even one of the true best comedy teams, I wondered if a) they were only listing people who were still alive, and or b) were saving the best for the top honours. But then they mentioned Jack Lemon and Walter Mathau (both deceased). I squirmed uneasily and continued watching.

They mentioned two or three people whom I had never heard of as one half of several teams and when they chose Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi as the number one team, I almost had a heart attack. I wish I had had one before they assaulted my senses with their ridiculous list.

With all due respect to some of their choices, how can anyone who has a modicum of understanding and exposure to comedy exclude ALL of the following comedy teams?

Abbot and Costello
Laurel and Hardy
The Three Stooges
The Marx Brothers
The Smothers Brothers
Martin and Lewis

The kicker to this sick story is that in describing one of the teams, the narrator compared them to "a modern-day Laurel and Hardy". If such a comparison is so flattering, how do you justify not having Laurel and Hardy in the list??? Do you realize how many people are involved in putting together a TV show? Hundreds. And this is the best all those comedy geniuses could come up with? Puhlease.

If you haven't seen this, there's still time to win the "grand" prize. Submit your guess, today!

Dumber and dumberer

I spotted this ad on my screen one night. Apparently, the six years spent in university didn't do much for the person who composed this ad. Nor anyone else associated with it. It should read "smarter than", not "smarter then". Nothing like making a fool of oneself whilst explaining how stupid someone else is.

And while we're on this topic, I was flipping through my newly arrived CAA magazine yesterday, and I came across this page. Minutes after I spotted the "glaring" error, I thought to myself "My god, I am so anal". But I swear to you, I don't go looking for this stuff. It jumps right out at me like someone is shining a halogen spotlight on these errors. Click on it to enlarge. Do you see what I'm talking about?

If your spotlight isn't working, or more likely you have better things to do with your time, in the coupon on the right it says "From Feb 1st to April 30st, 2009." Technically, maybe legally, you could hold them to this offer indefinitely since April "30st" never arrives, hence the sale never ends. Oddly enough, the coupon on the left reads "From Feb 1 to April 30, 2009"

Super Duper Fantastic Big Prize Giveaway Contest!

Last night, from the carcass of the unfortunate chicken I had roasted two days prior, I made a soup that was simply delizioso. I thought it would be fun if all my loyal reader guessed what kind of pasta I put in it. Now, what's a contest without a prize? To the first person who correctly identifies the style of pasta that graced my soup, I'll send out $3.87--U.S., of course. Only one guess per e-mail address, please. Multiples will be disregarded. Send your guess to "videosbyvinny@hotmail.com" or click on my profile. You must have a PayPal account to receive your prize. You can register here for free and it's free to use (for personal use). I'll announce the winner as soon as we have one...or a lack of one, four days from the publish time of this posting--the official closing of the contest. Good luck to all three of you!

Cry me a river

It's been an awful drought--much longer than a player of my skill level should have to weather (get it? drought/weather?), but finally the cards went my way and I won a poker tourney today. I swear the number of times I am ahead in a hand only to be called outrageously by players with nothing but hope, only to lose it on the river is statistically impossible...exponentially, statistically impossible. There is something else at play. After months of pain-staking investigation, intense scrutiny, thorough examination, in-depth computer analysis, and losing tens of dollars, it turns out there's a simple explanation:

Chat during an online poker tournament...

VinnyTheHack said, "Congratulations. We just made 51 cents profit for 2 hours work. (25.5 cents/hour)"
VinnyTheHack: folds
MitraImaging said, "woo hoo"
robfest2: folds
johwen: folds
MitraImaging said, "hey, in my day......"
VinnyTheHack said, "My first full-time job paid $1.65 per hour"
VinnyTheHack said, "It was tapping out tablets."
jarrett515: folds
AZMel: folds
MitraImaging said, "I used to be the guy that put the stones in the cavemen's axe handles"
VinnyTheHack said, "Ah, a hardware guy."
VinnyTheHack said, "Were you working for CAVE DEPOT?"