Hendrix misheard lyrics

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All Along the Watchtower

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Not for children or the sqeamish

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Virus eliminated

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Q & A's from around the web

Q: I used to like this guy, but with his behaviour i don't like him anymore?

I didn't agree to go out with him but he kept insisting to go with him. when i made an excuse that my parents wont allow he got mad and didn't text back. He used to call me up only for notes and out of all the students he'd call only me up. Now since the exams are over he doesn't bother to even look at me.. So what is his problem?, is he like using me or something?

A: Each and every person has blunder. thus, we need to rectify by giving suggestion. if person is perfect, she or he is god.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That was a very spiritual and philosophic answer to a simple dating question. The other answer was just a tad more direct...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A: **** it. Punch his dong off and don't talk to him no more.


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Ripped from the headlines

Amazing research!

I had  no idea that monkeys were capable of conducting such complex research. We need for these monkeys to replace the ones we have in pubic office.


Note: Yeah, that was a typo. It should have read "pubic orifice". I ran out of White-out.

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Baby, how'd we ever get this way?

How does an average guy in a decidedly below average organization "earn" over $9 million a year? DeMar DeRosan just signed a four-year deal with the NBA Toronto Raptors, a team which has only made the playoffs five times in their 16 year history, only once advancing to the second round; a team with an all-time "winning" percentage of an embarrassing 42%.

How much does the average guy where you work make? Has your company failed miserably for the last 16 years? Of course not--they'd be out of business. So, why is it that this band of losers is not only still making money, but paying huge salaries to everyone responsible for their massive ongoing failure? You know these losers wouldn't be paid so much if you losers out there wouldn't pay to watch a horrible team night after night, year after year, decade after decade. What--you just can't get your fill of failure? We have people homeless and children hungry while assholes pay big bucks to watch bigger assholes paid bigger bucks by bigger assholes to play another squad of assholes who are paid even bigger bucks...


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Who said it?

Can anyone guess who said the following? Who can you imagine saying it? If you know the answer, don't spoil it for others.

"The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation. It's bullshit. You got ninety percent of the American public out there with little or no net worth. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal. The news, war, peace, famine, upheaval, the price per paper clip. We pick that rabbit out of the hat while everybody sits out there wondering how the hell we did it. Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy?"


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New and improved crap

Pizza Hut really struck gold with this idea.

If the lactose in the cheese isn't making you sick enough, the fat and cholesterol in the red meat isn't clogging your arteries enough, and the white flour isn't clogging up your butt enough, throw in some hooves and ears (or beaks and feet if it's a chicken hot dog) into the crust. Oh, there's no time to pick up a phone. You need one right now. Order online! While you're at it, you may as well call the paramedics. The amount of time between suffering a heart attack and receiving treatment is critical for recovery. Invite them in to watch TV with you while you wait for your coronary.


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The illusion of choice

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Economics 101

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If Romney were president

(Click on image twice to enlarge.)

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Best jab ever

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Psycho

If you didn't have enough proof that corporations fit every description of  "psychopath", here's the latest:

Energizer Holdingsthe consumer goods conglomerate that produces Banana Boat products, announced Friday that certain of the brand's sunscreen sprays may potentially burst into flames on users' skin if they come in contact with a flame or spark before the spray is completely dry.
Energizer said it has received reports of four "adverse events" in which the sprays have caused burns in the U.S., and one in Canada."Adverse events"??? How else would you categorize someone responsible for causing a human being to suddenly and without warning burst into flames and calling it an "adverse event", if not a psychopath?

"Mr. Browne, this is County Hospital calling. I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your 16 year old daughter was sunbathing and she had a um, 'adverse event'."

"Dang--that girl seems to be allergic to just about everything. How bad is it?"

"Well, let's just say that if she wanted to be cremated, she saved you a little cash."

Full Story.


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Women follow me wherever I go

The following ad has been popping up regularly lately, seemingly following me around.

(Click to enlarge.)

Can someone please explain to me why these busty, attractive women:

a) want me instead of a young man?

b) have so much trouble meeting men that they feel they need to use a dating service? They certainly don't look shy!

c) if they're looking for a sugar daddy, isn't there an app for that?

I think the ad would be more believable if instead of saying "you", it said "Vinny".

Just the same, I'm afraid I have to decline. Sorry, ladies--this old man is taken.


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Breaking news!

There were no mass killings in the United States, today. Oh, wait--yes, there was.

A shotgun-toting man in suburban Milwaukee, Wisconsin killed three women and injured four others before turning the gun on himself.

There have been at least seven separate incidents of mass murders in the U.S. so far this year, with 110 killed or injured. Has anyone ever stopped to ask why such actions occur with seemingly increasing frequency? I don't mean asking yourself a rhetorical question about it as if there is no known answer to the situation. I mean sitting down and analyzing why a country touted as the land of milk and honey, where opportunities abound, and where the American dream can come true for anyone, has violence on the scale one expects from a third world country steeped in poverty?

Sit down right now and make a list of all the ways in which the U.S. is quite different from most developed countries. The answer will be in front of you. Some of the items may seem counter intuitive to spurring deadly violence on a large scale, but if you think outside the box, you may come to understand the connections.

Then go out and preach the message.

Some of you will think I'm talking nonsense. Others of you won't care, because as long as you're getting yours, so what if (other) people are dying. It's the cost of doing business, right? Wrong. People living in other places in the world are consistently shown to be healthier, happier, more content than Americans, and with a fraction of the threat of violence. It boggles the mind what some people accept as normal and hardly ever give it a thought.

Once again, police respond to a multiple shooting-death scene.

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Amazing illusion

I first brought you the amazing illusion in the video below in February 2012. At that time, I explained how I verified that what my eyes and yours tell us is utter BS. It takes a little effort to get this proof, but now I found a video that clearly demonstrates the proof that there's no hanky panky, and without any effort from you other than clicking on the play button. You may want to view my original posting here, first.



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Ripped from the headlines

19-year-old Catalina Clouser put her 5-week-old baby on top of her car in his car seat and drove away, apparently forgetting he was there, not even noticing when the seat fell off the car and landed in an intersection, police said. The baby was discovered in the roadway, uninjured and still strapped in his car seat, by neighbors.

Full Story

I predict that it will soon be learned that Mitt Romney is the baby daddy.


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Poor Romney--always misunderstood

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Republican cast of characters

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The future is here

If you're at all squeamish, you might not want to view this video.




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Dreams do come true

Terry Hostikka, of Brantford, Ontario won over $16 million in the 6-49 lottery.

When he was asked what he would do with the money, he said he can now afford to resume the search  for his long-lost buddy from when they were young lads growing up on the streets of Toronto. He still carries a photo of himself with his friend after all these years...

Okay, that was cruel. Terry does not look at all like that. The following was copied directly from his driver's license:

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Romney worm

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The rumours were true!

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This isn't your childhood backyard swing

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Sheena, the Mall Queen?

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Biden spanks Ryan

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Yes, Canadians love them this much

This Tim Horton's drive-through can drive through a Tim Horton's drive-through.

This unit is used as a mobile restaurant and goes from site to site when an existing store is being renovated or newly built. It is equipped with a full kitchen and is used by both drive-through and walk-in customers.


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Ultimate beer commercial

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Saving you the trouble...

...of searching my blog for something worthwhile.

Whether you got here by accident or you're one of my many loyal fan, you may as well be treated to some of my more popular postings. Here are links to a few that have gotten more views...

Mantis      Crow snowboarding     Funny political discussion (short)   

Double take     PSA     Facebook fun     For the gentlemen


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Then and now

In my Web meanderings, today, I came across Morgan Fairchild. You may remember her from the '70's or '80's from any number of TV shows. She was a guest on many top shows. Here she is from that era...

Here she is in more recent times...

One could argue that she is more attractive at age 62 (yes, 62!) than she was in her 20's. She has been blessed...either by God or by a very good plastic surgeon.

On this day, I also happened upon a vixen from one of the most popular TV shows of the 70's, Dallas. Charlene Tilton made many a man feel like a pedophile whenever she sauntered (that's how she walked--with a spring in her step) across our screens. She was 20 years old when she started the role, but she looked much younger. At least her face did. This is her from back then:

And more recent photos of Charlene, who is now 53...

Bless her heart. And thanks for the memories, Charlene.



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Mitt Romney's wet dream

 

 

 

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If you missed the first presidential debate

Here's all you need to know.

 

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Poor Elmo loses his job

 

 

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Is PETA going too far?

PETA is planning to paste the following ad on billboards as close to schools as possible in several Canadian cities. In a news release, they suggest that a tofurkey is substitued for the traditional bird.

I have greatly reduced the amount of meat I eat, but not for moral reasons. On those occasions I might eat turkey, pehaps once or twice a year, I couldn't imagine eating tofu instead of a steaming slice of turkey breast covered in gravy and cranberry sauce. My brain is watering just writing about it. But Fido is safe...dum!, dum!, dum!...or is he?

 

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Big bird salutes Mitt Romney

For the benefit of anyone who doesn't "get it", Romney said during the debate that he would stop funding PBS, which has been producing Sesame Street (and many fine programs) for as long as I can remember. Well, not quite. I'm even older than Oscar the grouch. But the children of over 120 countries now grow up watching those lovable muppets and getting a head start on learning numbers, the alphabet and laughter. Mitt the grinch would deprive the world of all that.


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No commentary required

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www.nuclearpowerdaily.com

The poor girl in that ad needs lessons in good posture as well as one of these. But then again, she looks like she doesn't give a sh*t.



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Ripped from the headlines

Just a few headlines I came across today. It's a weird news day...

U.S. farmer eaten by his own pigs (For the metrically challenged, 318 kilos is about 700 lbs!)

Man sues U.S. for $10M for frostbitten penis ()

Skateboarder smashes into deer during downhill race (video!)

Meet the Fokkens: Amsterdam's oldest prostitutes (Yes, "Fokkens". Folks, you can't make this stuff up.)


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Truth in advertising?

The ad below appeared on my Facebook page recently. Take a good look at it. Unfortunately, the image is not very clear. It was a very small ad and so I doubled its size.

Regardless, does she look like a senior to you? Does she look like she needs the help of an online dating service to meet men? Lastly, maybe I'm just jaded, but does she strike you as a person who would be faithful? If she had any less clothing, she'd look like she were posing for Sports Illustrated. I'd be willing to bet dollars to doughnuts that this young lady does not have a profile on the advertised website.



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Did you hear the one about...

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A couple of street signs in my neighbourhood. Obviously, made for each other, but sadly, will never meet.

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Is marijuana a potential cure for cancer?

An extraordinary discovery may someday give the controversial notion of “medical marijuana” a potent new meaning. Turns out that the recreationally popular cannabis plant contains compounds that could stop and even reverse the growth of various aggressive forms of cancer.

After a series of lab tests using a non-psychoactive chemical extract called Cannabidiol to treat malignant human breast cells in mice, the researchers hope to develop a pill that can demonstrate efficacy in human clinical trials. "It took us about 20 years of research to figure this out, but we are very excited,” Desprez, told the Huffington Post.

20 years!? What the heck!? I can see them now, "hard at work"...

In case you’re wondering, it won’t leave the door open for those who want to inhale it.
“We used injections in the animal testing and are also testing pills,” Desprez said. “But you could never get enough Cannabidiol for it to be effective just from smoking.”

That's what you think...

Link to full story.



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Doggie bag

This brings new meaning to the term "doggie bag"...

Wait! Is that a dog or a pig? Actually, it's neither. It appears to be a pig-dog alien hybrid.

It was designed by Meryl Smith as carry-on luggage. Who would buy such a piece?


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Yacht cruise or island adventure?

Why not have both? If you've been socking away a little cash for a future indulgence, maybe this is just the thing you've been waiting for:

 

 

The 295-foot Tropical Island Paradise yacht has a top speed of 10 knots, and although it can only accomodate ten people, comes with a waterfall, volcano, swimming pool and beach 'cove'. In addition, the yacht has a bar area, VIP rooms with balconies, a private spa and a helicopter landing pad.

Price tag? If you have to ask, you probably can't afford the $4.8 billion sticker price. Yes, with a "b". I don't know why. I just report these things.

Note: That lovely song in the backgroud can be heard (and viewed) in its entirety here: Three Little Birds Watching it is good for your soul. Enjoy.



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A hornets nest has been stirred up...yet, again

People believe that they have the right to free speech without serious repercussion just as some women believe they have the right to dress provocatively and walk down a dark alley in the wrong part of town and feel safe. And in a perfect world, it might be the case. In reality, both actions are like poking a hornets nest...quite often, you're going to get stung...and possibly even die.

Knowing this, why do people keep besieging the Muslims of the world? The publishing of blasphemous depictions and or descriptions is not akin to a protest march in defence of free speech where if you garner enough support, and wave your placards long enough, you'll achieve the desired result. You can draw silly cartoons of Mohammad every day for the next thousand years and try to defend them in the name of freedom of expression and you won't change the view and reaction of a single Muslim.

The question of whether Muslims are justified in their reprisals is not even a question. It is simply a reality that cannot be changed. Rapists rape, hornets sting and some Muslims retaliate. Must we exercise every right we believe we possess? Can we not find something else to do? What do we really lose if we just walk right on by when we see a swarm of bees, avoid dark alleys or leave a single subject free of ridicule that one billion people feel so very strongly about?


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Are you smarter than a fifth grader?

So, I was playing Fifth Grader on Facebook, and the following question came up.:

In what month do we celebrate Independence Day?

Well, I thought it was a "gimme". Let me say off the top that I am not American. Still, I think that when the greatest superpower in our lifetime, perhaps of all time, celebrates their birthday every year for over 250 years now, people would notice--wouldn't ya think? I mean, c'mon--the question didn't even ask for the exact date. And it provided four possible answers! Ai carumba.

Judging by the names of the people I was playing against (good, Christian names), and other factors, I have to assume that most of the players were American. Would you be surprised if I told you that five out of the ten contestants got the question wrong? You are NOT smarter than a fifth grader.


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How it's made

What popular food item is produced by combining these ingredients?:

Enriched flour (wheat flour, malted barley flour, niacin, iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), water, palm oil, soybean oil, sugar, leavening (sodium acid pyrophosphate, baking soda, monocalcium phosphate, glucono delta lactone), nonfat milk, dextrose, defatted soy flour, rye flour, whey, buttermilk, egg yolk, eggs, mono and diglycerides, milk protein concentrate, salt, soy lecithin, modified corn starch, sodium diacetate, sodium stearoyl lactylate, sodium propionate, dextrin, tapioca starch, guar gum, meltodextrin, natural and artificial flavor, butter, karaya gum, nutmeg oil, yellow 5, red 40, polysorbate 60, sugar, water, maltodextrin. propylene Glycol, sorbic acid, agar agar, natural and artificial flavors, heliotropine, hydrochloric acid.

Hydrochloric acid! What went through someone's head when they were preparing a list of ingredients to buy when they decided to make a fresh batch of...doughnuts. Yes! Doughnuts! Hydrochloric acid! Maybe the baker originally left out the ingredient from the shopping list, but as his assistant was walking away and looking over the ingredients, he stopped in his tracks, turned around and said "Bob, you forgot to add hydrochloric acid".

And what the heck is "agar agar"? Is it a double dose of "agar"? I understand why a muumuu isn't a just a muu (so as not to be confused with a moo of course), but what's agar agar's excuse? I had to look this up. As it turns out, agar agar is yet another delicious part of some of our favourite doughnuts. Specifically, it is "a vegetarian gelatin substitute produced from a variety of seaweed vegetation". I don't know about you, but I'm not exactly thinking fondly of that next doughnut I'll eat.

If you don't believe me, check out these links:

http://www.honeydewdonuts.com/products/nutrition/donuts/honey-dip-sticks

http://dairyfreecooking.about.com/od/dairyfreeglossary/g/AgarAgar.htm

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The Terminated

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Romney 2013

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World title slips from my grasp

Yesterday, I lost my bid to break a world record. After more than six months of a daily grind, it was all for naught.

Around last February, it was brought to my attention that a very long hair was growing out of my arm. It was as shocking to me as it was to my girlfriend. I kind of forgot about it/ignored it, but once in a while, I've checked to see if it's still there. It could easily fall out as I scrub my arms with a washcoth every day in the shower. Somehow, the hair as thin as a, um hair has managed to weather the (shower) storm.

Yesterday, I decided to check what the Guinness record is for an arm hair. Much to my surprise, it was just a tad longer than mine...assuming a "tad" is equal to about three inches. So, how long is my "Olympic-sized" lil feller? It's about 2 3/4 inches. Yes, that's right, Virginia--the world record is 5 3/4 inches.

But I'm not throwing in the (bath) towel yet. I'm going to do some research and see if there isn't some diet and or exercise I can do to help my hairy arm get into the record books. This may be my last shot at greatness, but I won't stoop so low as to start doping to give my fur an unhair unfair advantage.

Wish me luck!

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